Comments on: QA: Dealing with people who put you down http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/ Wired into Truly Confident Living Sat, 04 Feb 2012 08:40:00 +0000 hourly 1 By: Alexander http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/comment-page-1/#comment-32643 Alexander Sat, 12 Mar 2011 12:41:00 +0000 http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/#comment-32643 I am currently in the middle of finishing Year 12 and I live with my sister and mother. My sister is 26. I am completing year 12 over two years, and moved house at the end of the first year. I now live in a different state so I have to do home education to complete my state certificate. I find this difficult and I am stuck at home everyday where I don't know anyone or anywhere nearby which is familiar to me. I have no income and am finding it hard to get a part time job, especially considering how hard I'm finding home school. My Mum and sister are stressed out because of financial and extended family issues, and they are taking it out on me, because I am the youngest. My sister sighs at everything I say or do like I'm an idiot, and my mum always assumes that if I try to defend myself, forget to do a chore, or disagree with something then I am "a little shit who is trying to bring her down" and that I "don't appreciate anything she does for me" (I have had to go to the doctor several times lately for health issues and she has paid for me to go. She always assumes I am trying to make her life difficult when all I'm doing is trying to help, and my sister always talks to me like I'm stupid when she couldn't even finish year 10. Both of them are too emotionally fragile for me to tell them to F off; and I don't have the money or time (due to schooling) to move out this year. What should I do?? What should I do? I am currently in the middle of finishing Year 12 and I live with my sister and mother. My sister is 26. I am completing year 12 over two years, and moved house at the end of the first year. I now live in a different state so I have to do home education to complete my state certificate. I find this difficult and I am stuck at home everyday where I don’t know anyone or anywhere nearby which is familiar to me. I have no income and am finding it hard to get a part time job, especially considering how hard I’m finding home school.

My Mum and sister are stressed out because of financial and extended family issues, and they are taking it out on me, because I am the youngest. My sister sighs at everything I say or do like I’m an idiot, and my mum always assumes that if I try to defend myself, forget to do a chore, or disagree with something then I am “a little shit who is trying to bring her down” and that I “don’t appreciate anything she does for me” (I have had to go to the doctor several times lately for health issues and she has paid for me to go.
She always assumes I am trying to make her life difficult when all I’m doing is trying to help, and my sister always talks to me like I’m stupid when she couldn’t even finish year 10.
Both of them are too emotionally fragile for me to tell them to F off; and I don’t have the money or time (due to schooling) to move out this year.

What should I do??
What should I do?

]]> By: Steve http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/comment-page-1/#comment-26265 Steve Thu, 29 Jul 2010 14:44:07 +0000 http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/#comment-26265 @Angelina: Sorry to hear about the way you're being treated. It seems all the more painful because these are the people who are supposed to be treating you the best, but it's often the people right in front of us who we get the worst treatment from. I'm afraid that it isn't terribly useful to ask "why", the fact is that they're doing it and you're on the receiving end. The real question is "how" and "what" - how do you want to be treated and what can you do to change things? You don't have to move away (unless it really is costing you dearly and you've tried everything) but do you do need to put your own needs and priorities first. You deserve to be treated better. Check out another article I wrote on the subject here - http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2010/06/not-be-a-doormat/, and be sure to look at <a href="http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/stayingup/" rel="nofollow">Staying Up When You're Put Down</a> - a detailed approach for addressing the exact situation you're in and turning it around. Let me know how things go, promise? @Angelina: Sorry to hear about the way you’re being treated. It seems all the more painful because these are the people who are supposed to be treating you the best, but it’s often the people right in front of us who we get the worst treatment from. I’m afraid that it isn’t terribly useful to ask “why”, the fact is that they’re doing it and you’re on the receiving end. The real question is “how” and “what” – how do you want to be treated and what can you do to change things?

You don’t have to move away (unless it really is costing you dearly and you’ve tried everything) but do you do need to put your own needs and priorities first. You deserve to be treated better. Check out another article I wrote on the subject here – http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2010/06/not-be-a-doormat/, and be sure to look at Staying Up When You’re Put Down – a detailed approach for addressing the exact situation you’re in and turning it around. Let me know how things go, promise?

]]> By: angelina http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/comment-page-1/#comment-26173 angelina Tue, 27 Jul 2010 17:33:55 +0000 http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/#comment-26173 I have similar problems. I love my mom and sister dearly, but from time to time they do put me down. Even my dad (although he's not so bad) has done it on the occassion. Some people have picked up on it and said it is very mean and unfair. I tried to reason with them, but they appear to think it is justified. I can't justify it as I was bullied for years at school and wondered my confidence had hit an all time low again, I realised it was because of the constant put downs which aren't necessary. It does make one wonder why they do it and if they love you, shouldn't they stop hurting you like this? I haven't been an angel, but I've never been into drugs or anything like that, however I still get the put downs and it is starting to make me wonder whether I ought to move away and start afresh again! I have similar problems. I love my mom and sister dearly, but from time to time they do put me down. Even my dad (although he’s not so bad) has done it on the occassion. Some people have picked up on it and said it is very mean and unfair. I tried to reason with them, but they appear to think it is justified. I can’t justify it as I was bullied for years at school and wondered my confidence had hit an all time low again, I realised it was because of the constant put downs which aren’t necessary. It does make one wonder why they do it and if they love you, shouldn’t they stop hurting you like this?
I haven’t been an angel, but I’ve never been into drugs or anything like that, however I still get the put downs and it is starting to make me wonder whether I ought to move away and start afresh again!

]]> By: Steve http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/comment-page-1/#comment-21787 Steve Tue, 16 Mar 2010 11:34:31 +0000 http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/#comment-21787 @Dee: That's often the case Dee, simply interrupting the patterns is enough to demonstrate what's been happening and that you're not willing to put up with the crap anymore. With family it can be incredibly tough to do that, especially when the patterns have been in place for years and years. But you're right, at some point something's gotta give, and it starts with you. @Dee: That’s often the case Dee, simply interrupting the patterns is enough to demonstrate what’s been happening and that you’re not willing to put up with the crap anymore. With family it can be incredibly tough to do that, especially when the patterns have been in place for years and years. But you’re right, at some point something’s gotta give, and it starts with you.

]]> By: Dee http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/comment-page-1/#comment-21750 Dee Sun, 14 Mar 2010 22:15:30 +0000 http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/#comment-21750 I would drop the boyfriend and give a piece of my mind to my mom and sis if they ever acted nasty.The more you encourage such behavior the more it gets worse-Sometimes these folks are insecure within themselves and show it out on others-But the moment you stand up for yourself,All the crap stops. I would drop the boyfriend and give a piece of my mind to my mom and sis if they ever acted nasty.The more you encourage such behavior the more it gets worse-Sometimes these folks are insecure within themselves and show it out on others-But the moment you stand up for yourself,All the crap stops.

]]> By: Steve http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/comment-page-1/#comment-2408 Steve Mon, 23 Feb 2009 13:45:55 +0000 http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/#comment-2408 @Heidi: Let me turn that question round on you - can you see a way for this relationship to change or do you think you'll be in an endless battle? It boils down to 2 things - 1. What kind of experience do you want to have with your boyfriend and family? and 2. What are you willing to do - and how far are you willing to go - to make that happen? You gotta look at what you need in this relationship, and if you can't see a way to get those needs filled you need to make the hard choice. Anyone else got words of advice for Heidi? @Heidi: Let me turn that question round on you – can you see a way for this relationship to change or do you think you’ll be in an endless battle? It boils down to 2 things – 1. What kind of experience do you want to have with your boyfriend and family? and 2. What are you willing to do – and how far are you willing to go – to make that happen? You gotta look at what you need in this relationship, and if you can’t see a way to get those needs filled you need to make the hard choice.

Anyone else got words of advice for Heidi?

]]> By: heidi http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/comment-page-1/#comment-2361 heidi Sun, 22 Feb 2009 18:55:19 +0000 http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/2008/02/qa-dealing-with-people-who-put-you-down/#comment-2361 I live with my boyfriend, we have been together for almost 5 years, we have a 3yr old son together, and I have 3 other kids from a previous marriage, he constantly puts me down, I don't clean well enough, my thought process is not right, I make every wrong decision possible, I don't want enough sex. You get the point, basically I do it all wrong. Is this a relationship that will change or am I in a endless battle? I live with my boyfriend, we have been together for almost 5 years, we have a 3yr old son together, and I have 3 other kids from a previous marriage, he constantly puts me down, I don’t clean well enough, my thought process is not right, I make every wrong decision possible, I don’t want enough sex. You get the point, basically I do it all wrong. Is this a relationship that will change or am I in a endless battle?

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