The idea of responsibility is a simple one. The dictionary definition talks about ‘the state of being responsible’, ‘a burden of obligation’ and ‘reliability or dependability’.

Crikey, no wonder it’s something that frequently scares the bejeezus out of people. I don’t want a ‘burden of obligation’ – could that sound any more albatross-around-my-neck-ey? The concept seems to leave little room for fun or spontaneity.

But the bottom-line truth is this – you’re 100% responsible for your life and how you experience it.

That might sound like a cliche and it might even sound trite, but if you gloss over it I guarantee you’ll never get true inner confidence.

This is something I’ve personally grappled with, so I know it’s a toughie. In the past, the idea that I was wholly responsible for being on anti-depressants, for having a crappy career and for not having people in my life who I could turn to was something that wouldn’t even register with me. It was much easier to put some of the blame (at the very least) for where I was in life down to external factors – that damn company, my friends were shallow and too wrapped up in their own stuff, why hadn’t anyone discovered how amazing I was?

Blaming external factors meant that I could hope those factors could turn in my favour one day.

I was living in a very convenient state of denial. If where I was in my life was 100% down to me – 100% my responsibility – then apparently I was pretty much screwed.

What I now see is that I was, and am, 100% responsible for my life. Asking ‘Who’s to blame?’ at whatever level of consciousness shifts the focus from what we can do and puts it onto what’s been done to us. I’d cast myself as the victim, and in doing that I gave away all my power – which continued to damage my confidence and was exactly what I needed to keep close in order to change things.

I kinda like you, so I want to make sure you don’t go down the same road I did.

Please don’t assign blame, point your finger or ask ‘Whose fault is it?’. That’s a great way of disowning parts of your life and giving away your power, and that will only undermine what you’re capable of and your sense of who you are. Let that happen and you’ll strip your self-confidence bare.

(BTW, I’ve got a really quick exercise on this, so let me know if you’d like me to send it through to you.)