When people get together for an extended period of time, groups will form. It happens naturally, something left over from the tribe instinct that we mammals still have. I’ll bet that there are groups in your organisation or even within your friends, groups that you may or may not be a part of.

Some people might be into sports and huddle at break-times to discuss the latest game. Some might go to a bar after work to vent about the office and share a drink or three. Others always seem to get the latest, shiniest project to work on and others might be privy to inner workings of the company.

If you’re in a particular group at work – whether the group is connected by a hobby, company politics, demographic or anything else – you’re in that in-group and you’ll have a sense of loyalty and respect towards the other members. Every group you’re not a part of, you’re in the out-group.

Psychologically this can be pretty disconcerting, as every group that you’re not in has the potential to make you ask questions of yourself and introduce competition between groups. Ask yourself enough questions and you’ll start doubting yourself. Compete in the wrong way and your self-esteem becomes tied to the results you get.

I’ll give you an example. When I look back to every work environment I’ve been in, there’s been a kind of inner sanctum that’s separate from the management team, a small group of people from different levels of the company that somehow gathered a disproportionate amount of power between them. If they didn’t like an idea or project or didn’t like the way a piece of work was going, any one of them could change it knowing that they’d have support from the other members of the in-group.

People were aware, even subconsciously, that they had to watch themselves when one of these people were around, some people became very defensive and others would be on the attack. I remember one woman who wasn’t in this group; they were one of her out-groups. She’d take input from any of them very personally, thinking that her work wasn’t up to scratch and she wasn’t valued as a fully-contributing employee. Later, she took everything personally and her self-doubt grew. She left the company after waiting too long, and I saw that she left as a nervous and reactive woman who lacked self-confidence rather than the talented, capable and confident one I knew her to be.

The people in these in-groups aren’t bad or conniving people (or rarely aren’t), it was just the way the day to day power had taken shape in the organisation. The same goes for other groups – it’s simply down to people coming together subconsciously because they share similar values and boost their self-esteem from the sense of belonging they get from being a member.

These groups aren’t right or wrong by themselves, it’s the impact they have and your perception of that impact that can be called right or wrong.

Engage with your in-groups but watch how much attention and the kind of attention you give to your out-groups. You can’t be in every group, and trying to be is a waste of your time and energy just as the time and energy spent being negative about an out-group is a waste.

Looking enviously at an out-group is a clear case of the grass being greener, and if you look disparagingly at an out-group it’s a clear case of ego-stroking – “I’m better than you are” – and probably denial.

If you let your out-groups influence your thinking to the point where you change your thinking and behaviour to win their approval, then you’re already damaging your self-confidence and self-esteem. Stop it right now.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a leadership position or not, allow your self-confidence to be affected by your out-groups and you won’t stand a chance of doing your best work. Great work comes from trusting what you’ve got and giving yourself the freedom to do your best work, not from putting your attention onto your out-groups.