The Confidence Guy

Wired into Truly Confident Living

Mar 09

Sexy and confident - anyone got her number?I find confident women really sexy.  Sure, it helps if they look good in a pair of jeans or a business suit and have a beautiful face I could just look into all day long, and I’m a sucker for tousled hair too.

I’m remarkably shallow like that.  You won’t believe the trouble I had picking out the pictures for this post.

But there’s something about a confident woman that turns my head every time.  No matter how I look at it, confidence is a very sexy quality.

I think you’d probably agree with me, and the attractiveness of confident people is something that’s been written about widely for many years.

What’s more interesting to me is why confidence is sexy.  What is it about confidence that people find attractive, and what is it that draws me in?

Here’s why confidence is sexy…

They’re just fine with who they are.

Real confidence is trusting yourself no matter what, and that quality in someone means there’s a sense of comfort that isn’t there otherwise.

That’s incredibly powerful and incredibly alluring.

Here's a real person - I'd like to see herThat ease and comfort oozes out of someone.  You can see it and feel it just by being around them, even for a minute or two.  They’ll smile easier, their body language will be more open and they’ll be more emotionally and intellectually open too.

Perhaps most importantly, when you have real self-trust it means that you’re ready and willing to go somewhere special.  It means the adventure can begin.

How damn sexy is that?!

I don’t have to control it.

I’m naturally a bit of a control freak – being self-employed and living alone has taught me organise all the stuff in my life and to know what’s happening when, and how.

So the last thing I want in a relationship it to do the same thing.

I think an important part of a relationship – of being with someone emotionally, spiritually and physically – is letting go. That’s not the same thing as sitting on the couch, ordering pizza and having a colostomy bag fitted to avoid those tiring toilet trips.  Not the same thing at all.

True confidence means that we can both let go of the need to control it.  It means that I can have things be easy and comfortable and be at my best and it means that we can both trust ourselves, and each other, to move forwards.

I call it free-fall.

You see the real person.

okay, I'm getting carried away now...I’ve already said that confidence is about being comfortable with who you are, way down deep.  So if someone’s truly confident there isn’t the same need to hide behind walls or put masks on to please others.

Confident people won’t necessarily show you everything of themselves all at once – quite the contrary, there’s still the process of engaging with someone and getting to know them – but with confidence you not only get to see more of who they really are, but there’s no rush or “right way” to do it.

This works physically too, because you get to see their natural style.  I love to see this, and I’ve worked with someone this year who’s confident enough to let her own style come through, and she’s damn sexy.  Even though she wears what she feels comfortable in and isn’t a slave to fashion, she always looks amazing and whatever she’s wearing just works with who she is.  It’s genius.

Physicality is just what we do

We’re mammals, don’t ya know.  I’ve got 2 arms, a torso with nipples on it and 2 legs with a penis between ’em.  You’ve got your bits and pieces too.

I don’t mean to put you off your muffin, but the point is that we’re physical beings and live in our bodies all day long.  We eat, we breathe, we exercise, we have sex, we sleep (not always in that order).

Kissing's my favourite.Confidence means that you’re aware of your needs physically just as much as you know your needs professionally, emotionally and in every other respect.

I always think that being physical with someone is like playtime; it’s a way of exploring each other, giving pleasure to someone else and a way for both people to let go.  It doesn’t have to be serious – sex is supposed to be fun after all – and I think being truly confident allows you not to take things so seriously.

A touch, a breath, a stroke or a nibble is just another way of being playful and expressing yourself.

This doesn’t mean you have to be a sexual predator – I’m actually quite shy when it comes to my bedroom antics (which means I won’t tell you about the Icelandic poledancer) – all it means is that you’re willing to let your body go as well as your mind.  I for one am all for it.

I’m interested to know what you think – does confidence do it for you too?

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  • Jamie

    Interesting post! I happen to believe confidence is the best style someone can have.


    • Steve

      @Jamie: Speaking of style, I don’t know why, but a little neck scarf with a simple business suit really does the trick 😀

      @Jules: Lol, she was pretty confident, although that was some time ago now. When it all comes together everything becomes greater than the sum of the parts, but I think that confidence is the magic that binds it all together.

  • Jules

    I want to know about the Icelandic Pole dancer. Was she as confident as Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler”?

    Great Topic. Folks can seem confident but s/t they don’t come across that way. It’s great when it all comes together. Adele (recording artist) is one who comes to mind. She ooozes confidence.

  • Shin

    Icelandic Poledancer?! Haha..that’s pretty cool! You make me laugh!

    • Steve

      @Shin: Shhhh… I said I wouldn’t tell (but it certainly put a smile on my face).