As part of my mindfulness treatment for CFS I came across the poem below.  I’m not the kind of guy to share a piece of poetry without good reason, so read ahead and afterwards I’ll tell you why it’s important for you and your confidence, and I’ll explain just what it’s got to do with Yoda.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
- Jelaluddin Rumi, translation by Coleman Barks

Whaddaya think?

My question to you is this – how many of your experiences, both good and bad, do you really welcome in?

It’s easy to welcome in the good experiences; a great mood, a large cheque, a successful project, an exciting new relationship, a great promotion, laughing with good friends or some great sex are things you’ll be more than happy to meet at the door with a broad smile and invite on in.

Hell, most people would invite them in, cook them a nice meal, take them on 2 week holiday to a stunning Greek island, buy them a yacht, offer to give them one of your kidneys and propose under the stars with a bottle of Krug and Tony Bennett serenading.

But what about the crap stuff?  How welcoming are you of the stuff that you’d rather pretend wasn’t there?

Do you welcome in your fear?  Do you welcome in your insecurity?  Do you welcome in your weaknesses?

True confidence is about knowing yourself, and that goes for the “dark side” too. And that’s why Yoda was wrong. He had a couple of good points to make, sure he did, like “Do or do not, there is no try” and “Name your fear must be before banish it you can.” Even “When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not.”

But he was wrong about the dark side.

If you’re resisting the stuff you don’t want – the guests in your house you’d rather got the hell out – you’re creating conflict and struggle within yourself.  That resistance means you’re not engaging fully with yourself, it means there are parts you’re not accepting, parts you’re fighting with and parts that you end up tolerating.

That can only have one effect – to drain you.  Resisting, fighting, struggling and tolerating a part of yourself or your experience will drain your energy, drain your perception about who you are and what you can do, and ultimately drain your self-confidence.

The poem says “Welcome and entertain them all“, and it came as a timely reminder to me of something that I learned long ago – everything in your experience is equally valid, but the real power comes from the meaning you attach to each experience.

Invite in each experience with laughter, curiosity and grace, and [puts funny voice on] become a truly confident Jedi you will.