The Confidence Guy» Leadership

The News Will Destroy Your Confidence

Steve — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:09:12 +0000

Watched the news recently? Holy cow are we ever in trouble.

War. Financial ruin. Unemployment. Volcano’s. Strikes. Violence. Oil spills. Intolerance. Rogue nations.

The news seems determined to drive home what a negative, futile world we live in, and it’s hard to believe that we make it through a day what with all of the horrible things reported to us.

I’d be willing to bet that if you were to watch the TV news every day, it would change you. It would shift your perception so you see all the problems in the world, and notice all the problems in your life. It would draw your attention to the bad that people do and point out everything negative in your world.

The culture of the 24 hour news media is one of negativity, cynicism and drama. It’s a monster fed by some of the worst traits that we humans share, and its power to shift perception shouldn’t be ignored or underestimated.

Focusing on the negative, distressing, shocking and scandalous in life will only destroy your spirit. Focusing on what’s wrong reduces your ability to see what’s right. You see the dysfunction rather than the function, and over time this rubs off on your own choices and your own behaviour.

Garbage in, garbage out.

You make decisions based on what you don’t want, not what you do want. You move away from what you hate rather than towards what you love. Your life becomes a matter of survival and safety rather than an enterprise of meaning and possibility.

Your ability to make positive, meaningful change is buried under the weight of the world, and the cost is your spirit and your self-confidence.

But the news is not the world. The news is not your life.

Amazing things happen every single day. People make huge leaps of faith. People create wonderful things and have remarkable ideas. People connect to each other in ways that make us feel alive.

We are not isolated, scared and vulnerable; we are giants.

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I Want to Be a Kid When I Grow Up

Steve — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 12:08:16 +0000

When I was 11 I couldn’t wait to be 30, because then I could be just like Face from the A-Team. Flirting, conning people out of their speedboat and saving a small Mexican village would be daily occurrences.

Or so I thought. The reality of being a grown up is somewhat different.

Bills. Property maintenance. Career management. Decreasing health. Transport issues. Responsibility.

I’m sure the Faceman didn’t have to deal with that stuff when he was “surviving in the Los Angeles underground”.

Being a grown-up has its up-sides, like air miles and swanky bars, and when you get it right responsibility is just about being happy making decisions, but on balance I think it’s much better to be a kid. That’s what I want to be when I grow up.

Kids have imaginations that create worlds.

Kids act silly even when times are tough.

Kids believe themselves to be indestructible.

Kids are always ready to laugh at the absurdity of life.

Kids act based on what’s important.

Kids throw themselves into each moment.

Kids will try something just because they can.

Kids will connect with people without judgement.

Kids believe in possibility.

It’s easy to forget these things as a go-getting grown-up; it’s easy to become jaded, cynical or tired. It’s easy to become so focused on doing stuff that you forget who you are while you’re so busy doing all that stuff.

It’s easy to lose confidence in those child-like qualities, but it’s by trusting them that life becomes richer.

If, as a grown-up (which I’m still not convinced I am), I can keep even some of those things alive, then I’m onto something special.

Who’s with me?

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Over-confident Leaders are Obsolete

Steve — Tue, 19 May 2009 19:04:55 +0000

The over-confident, autocratic leader of old is a dying species.

And not before time.

Only a fool would admit to knowing exactly what’s going to happen in the business world these days, and business leaders who routinely gave the impression that everything was fine and that they knew exactly what they were doing are finding themselves increasingly obsolete.

Over-confidence is dangerous, something that’s been demonstrated in board rooms across the world in the last few months. Don Moore, an associate professor at Carnegie Mellon’s Tepper School of Business hits the nail on the head when he says, “Overconfident businesspeople routinely delude themselves.” And he’s very clever, so he should know.

The likes of Jack Welch of GE, Howell Raines and Arthur Sulzberger of the New York Times and Bob Diamond of Barclays Capital (who a friend of mine described to me as a ‘psychotic American lunatic‘) have either gone already, or are finding they need to seriously update their approach or risk everything.

I certainly wouldn’t want to work for an autocratic leader. I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw their dogma.

“You do not lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership.” —Dwight D. Eisenhower

But finding the right balance of confidence as a leader is tough. Over-confidence is certain to ensure you lose your way and that your people lose trust in you. The same happens with under-confidence – checking in with your team every hour to see if you’re doing things right will annoy even the keenest team member.

So there’s a balance to be struck, and (at first, at least) it takes constant course-correction to maintain that balance.

That doesn’t mean that a leader has to second guess themselves or constantly check which side of the confidence line they’re on. I’m of the opinion that it’s both fine and useful for a leader to show they’re not wholly confident sometimes.

It’s fine to admit you don’t know the answer. It’s useful to ask for suggestions. It’s both fine and useful to lead on a basis of inclusion.

I’ve been around people in leadership roles who’ve admitted they didn’t’ know the answer, and it made me respect them more and want to help more. I believe it takes more natural confidence to say that you don’t know than it does to make up some crap and tell people to get to it.

It demonstrates the value of inclusion and relationships over hierarchy and reputation.

As a leader, once you’ve figured out a direction or a strategy you need to be ready to make the decision, but the method to get to that point is through relationships, not through old-style leadership.

Stephen Graves and Thomas Addington have some interesting insights in their book ‘Clout‘ (although the more religious content isn’t my bag), particularly when they point out how important influence is in leadership. “Leadership is the surface, influence is the current,” they say. And they’re both very clever, so they should know.

“Leadership is public; influence is often behind-the-scenes” they go on to say, and this is a key point.

The old style leaders amassed power and glory as figureheads and symbols of strength. There were public displays of leadership and authority (board meetings, company briefings, official memo’s, etc.) to imprint the perception of confidence. They’d sit in their ivory towers casting decisions down through the organisation, expecting people to fall in line. All very animal-kingdom-y don’t you think?

The new leaders amass respect by wanting to do great work and by forging strong relationships. They use their personal influence to get things done, can artfully manage consensus and might even shy away from being in the spotlight. New leaders leverage natural confidence and positive influence to move mountains.

I know which one I’d rather work for.

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Are You a Follower or Leader?

Steve — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:50:39 +0000

I started a new freelancing gig at a global ad agency today. I’ve been inundated with information all day, and man alive am I knackered.

That’s normal though, what’s a little different this time is that it’s a position more senior than any I’ve done before. I’ve lead multi-million pound projects and teams with dozens of people, but in those roles the leadership was secondary to my responsibility for delivery. This time it’s all about the leadership.

When I spoke with one of the head guys from the New York office, he mentioned to me that he’d seen how laid back the English were in business compared with their New York counterparts. He observed that a New York business leader will be more blunt and more confrontational when necessary, whereas us Brits will be more subtle and circumspect.

I agreed with him, I’ve observed the same thing. Does that mean that New Yorkers are better leaders than the English?

Of course not, but he made me think about what kind of leader I am, and what kind of leader I’m not.

“The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between the two, the leader must become a servant and a debtor. That sums up the progress of an artful leader.” Max DePree

The traditional belief is that a good leader needs to be some kind of ‘alpha’ type – some go-getting, work-chewing, dog-eat-dog person who’s focused on getting results at all costs.

I couldn’t disagree more.

For me, being a leader involves 3 things:

1. Having a clear vision.
2. Being willing and able to take people with you on a journey.
3. Using your strengths to make things work.

If a leader does those 3 things then they’re onto something, and it’s because of that definition that I think everyone has the capability to be a leader, and many already are.

What stops a lot of leaders – or potential leaders – from applying those 3 tenets is fear, plain and simple. Fear that they’re going in the wrong direction, fear that people won’t follow or fear that they’ll fail. I think perhaps the biggest fear of any leader is that they’re not strong enough, that they don’t have the more traditional leadership traits in sufficient quantities to be effective.

It’s that fear of being weak – or to put it another way, the fear of being too much of a follower – that drives them to behave in the ways they think they ought to behave rather than using their natural leadership traits. That’s what can destroy a perfectly good leader.

Whether you have a leadership role in a startup, a leadership role as a parent , a leadership role in a social group or whether you’re leading a whole country (hello Mr Obama and Mr Brown), you’re also allowed to be a follower.

Don’t think for one second that you have to lead constantly and can’t look to others or follow others. You need to lead consistently, yes, but not constantly.

Do you think that Barack doesn’t look up to anyone or feel inspired by anyone? Do you think that Richard Branson doesn’t hear what people say or follow what’s important to him? Do you think that Hillary doesn’t look to the people she respects or listens to anyone?

Being a great leader requires openness and a willingness to go off-road and explore the unknown when necessary. That means that there has to be a balance between leading and following – leading forges your path, following helps you learn.

“Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.” John F. Kennedy

Just look at Twitter – everyone and anyone following all kinds of people. Even the big guys are following people, and I’d say the people who really get it are perfectly happy to follow people who might be perceived to be lower down the food chain, simply because they know they can learn something from them.

Something funny happened on the way to posting this article. Just when I was putting the finishing touches to my thoughts here, I saw Penelope Trunks article about leadership in the new millennium, where she points out how important following is. “Damn it”, I thought. “Now it’ll just look like I’m following her lead.”

An interesting irony, don’cha’think?

That demonstrated my own fear about not being ‘alpha’ enough, which was also demonstrated when I was talking with the New York guy about my freelance gig. When confronted with his idea about how non-confrontational us Brits were, there was a moment where my confidence in being able to do this new role vanished, and I thought to myself “I’m not an alpha kinda guy, I’m just Steve“.

Well, that’s true. I’m not a traditional alpha kinda guy, but I know that I have a whole bunch of stuff that makes me sure I’ll be bloody good in that role, not least is my ability to adapt and learn (as my experience today is proof of).

Having the confidence to be both a leader and a follower is where the power and potential really is.

“We exercise our leadership best when we are also listening…” President Obama, G20 Summit

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Is There a Hero Inside You?

Steve — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 19:46:54 +0000

Back when I was twentysomething (some time ago now) I went to a movie premiere in London for a Tim Robbins movie called ‘Cradle Will Rock‘. You probably haven’t seen it as it kinda sank without trace, but it was about a guy who pushes forwards with the production of a play in 1930’s New York against massive pressure from the authorities and incredible odds. He pushes through, keeps on going, puts on the play and changes lives in the process – simply because it mattered to him.

After the movie there was a Q&A session with Tim and Susan, and a woman sitting in front of me asked Tim, “Do you think the world needs more heroes?”

I was stunned by the question because I hadn’t thought of the character as a hero, but Lizbeth (the woman, who I was so impressed by that I flirted with her at the after party and ended up dating) changed my definition of what a hero is.

Which brings me to Barack Obama.

I’m a lot like him – don’t know if you knew that about me.

Well, actually, now I think about it, I’m not that much like him. In fact, about the only 2 things we have in common is our love for good pizza and being big fans of Spider-man.

I’ve been a superhero nut forever, and just love the fact that Obama is too. As far as I’m concerned, that means he understands some fundamental principles about life and courage -

“With great power comes great responsibility…” – Uncle Ben

That Uncle Ben was a smart cookie, and that famous quotation sums up what I love about superhero mythos.

The thought that people are walking among us doing amazing things every single day, by using their power responsibly to help other people and add value to mankind, is one that makes me grin from ear to ear. The fact that they get to wear cool outfits, fly and shoot laser beams out of their eyes is even cooler.

When Stan Lee first created Marvel Comics, he did so with the aim of creating fantastic characters, but characters who are also wonderfully and tragically human. He populated his comics with characters we can all relate to – people with fears, hopes, anxieties and a whole load of contradictions. Of course there’s loads of action and fantasy, but that’s all set against a strong thread of humanity that runs through everything.

Here’s another line, this time from the movie Spiderman 2 -

“Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they’ll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them to hold on a second longer.

I believe there’s a hero in all of us. That keeps us honest. Gives us strength. Makes us noble.” – Aunt May

Aunt Many rocks just as much as Uncle Ben, and she hit the nail on the head.

We’ve all had people who’ve inspired us, touched us or taught us something important. Someone who gave us the strength to keep going or showed us that we had the courage to hold on a second longer.

Tim Robbins did just that in that movie I talked about, and I’ll bet my shoes that you have a teacher, a parent, a friend, a partner or whoever else who did something similar in your life. That’s why I believe that there IS a hero in all of us.

There is a piece of yourself that’s honest, strong and noble.

There’s a part of yourself that knows what you need to do, not just for you but for the greater good. There is a piece of yourself that can make incredible things happen.

That’s how amazing things happen in the world, and that’s how real, positive change happens – by being confident and courageous enough to tap into that piece of yourself and apply it out there in the world.

Tim Brownson got a great response in a recent article about courage, because I believe it’s a stirring concept that all of us are able to connect with at a deep level. That article got the response it got because we all relate to the golden humanity that sits at the centre of courage and heroics – the honesty, strength and nobility that we all possess.

I’ll never stop loving super heroes, because I’ll never stop believing that they actually exist, and that they really are all around us. Maybe I’m living in cloud cuckoo land, but I really don’t care.

What I care about is that people do amazing things every single day, and your potential to do amazing things never diminishes. As far as I’m concerned you already have great power. As Uncle Ben says, when you find the confidence to take responsibility for it, you’re a real hero.

That’s why I love that Obama’s a Spider-man fan, because it tells me that he understands.

So you want to be a hero?

1. Imagine that you’re someone out of the ordinary. In fact, you’re completely extraordinary. You have all kinds of special abilities and powers that you’re just beginning to learn about and that nobody else really knows you have. You’re different. You’re special. You’re unique. You’re amazing.

What difference does knowing that you have all these powers and abilities make? When you’re walking down the street, fixing dinner or in a meeting at work, how does it feel to have all that inside you?

2. Are you being true to who you really are? Are you using your gifts and powers? Are you making the most of who you really are?

3. How can you use your abilities and powers – whether to enhance your own life or the lives of people important to you? How can you add value, simply by using what you were born with?

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Confidence, Spiders and Cheekiness

Steve — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 07:47:56 +0000

I found this fantastic story about a guy called David Thorne. He couldn’t afford to pay an overdue bill, and approached his situation with some brilliant creativity and some stunning cheekiness.

I’ve had my fair share of financial worries (that’s like saying Lehman Brothers had a bit of a cashflow problem) and it’s a horrible place to be. That’s why I love what he did so much.

The man’s brilliant.

I love the fact that he’s clearly a bright guy and found a way to settle the matter that just might have worked because it was so out there. Another time, another place, it could have worked.

Here’s what happened next.

You’ve gotta give David credit for consistency and creativity.

Sometimes confidence is doing something that appears to be plain crazy, simply because it fits with who you are and just might make something happen.

Where could you benefit from being more creative, confident and cheeky?

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McCain on Confidence and Consistency

Steve — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 09:28:33 +0000

So McCain seems to have put things on hold to head to Washington to focus on the economy. Well, I’m no pundit and I’m not about to start spouting forth about the campaign itself, but allow me a little spouting about his decision.

It’s not consistent. It seems like the news that the economic situation has put Obama ahead in the polls plus Friday’s presidential debate has given McCain some serious willies.

The decision to put his campaign on hold and his request to postpone the debate is crazy, especially when Bush has invited both McCain and Obama to Washington to discuss the bailout plan and Obama has said that the debate should go ahead.

I have no problem with McCain focusing on what’s happening in the markets and where the bailout plan is heading, but his decision shows a real inconsistency and communicates the wrong message.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid issued a statement saying that the presidential debate should go on, saying “If there were ever a time for both candidates to hold a debate before the American people about this serious challenge, it is now.”

Exactly. What’s happening in the world – whether it’s the economy, Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Iran, Zimbabwe or Somalia – makes it even more important that the White House is inhabited by a leader who can look at more than one thing at a time.

If it’s an honest and integrity-lead decision, his request to postpone the debate would cast doubt on his ability to do the job and trust his team. If the decision’s one that comes from the needs of his campaign then it shows a huge lack of confidence in the campaign direction, debate performance and support team. If it was a consistent, congruent and confident presidential team they wouldn’t need to put things on hold and duck out of the debate.

A confident leader is one who doesn’t pull back from the big game when the going gets tough

Sure, you need to adjust the rudder if the wind changes, but McCain’s decision is inconsistent with his aims, and shows a serious lack of confidence and consistency.

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Sarah Palin – Confident or Arrogant?

Steve — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:19:50 +0000

After my article on the difference between confidence and arrogance recently, a couple of people emailed me to ask where I thought Sarah Palin was on that scale.

My answer? She’s arrogant.

Sure, her speech was a virtuoso performance and she certainly seemed to be completely confident with both the delivery of her speech and its content. But that’s where I think she crossed the line.

Let’s look at the differences:

Arrogant people strive to be right
However much I disagree with her beliefs and politics I can’t knock her for having strong opinions and keeping true to them. That’s part of what it is to be confident. The problem I have is when, in the belief that she’s right, she uses flawed arguments to demonstrate she’s right and attempts to stamp that on the people and communities around her (in cases like Troopergate and the Librarian)

Throughout the speech there was no question about whether she thought every word coming from her lips was right and it seems like her career to date has also been one where she’s operated from a stance of being right. Put someone like that in a position of power and it spells danger.

Arrogant people want to build themselves up
There’s no doubt that Palin’s become a household name and secured her position as one of the worlds most powerful women, which should be applauded. What grated with me is how she used her speech to take the piss out of other people and belittle the achievements of others, most notably how (in a single sentence) she dismissed the roles and achievements of community leaders across the USA.

The almost childish tone of one-upmanship left me with my mouth wide open, and the realisation that she’ll willingly kick people to the curb and do what’s necessary to elevate her position.

It’s great that she’s a Mum with a successful career and her family is clearly important to her. But while politicians have introduced their families to the media for decades, using them as an integral part of a make-or-break speech to help bolster her position as a multi-tasking, values-led success is another thing entirely.

Arrogant people bluff their way
Styled and coiffured to within an inch of her life, she certainly presented a convincing and powerful image. But it looks like the experience and track record she trumpeted is questionable, and the credibility she strived to portray just isn’t there.

Yes, people need to have confidence in the ability of a President or Vice-President to do the job, but I think it’s okay to be inexperienced as long as you’ve demonstrated considerable skill and talent and it’s clear you have the ability to learn the right lessons fast.

Any position at the White House is going to need you to step it up several gears, hit the ground running and learn quick, but with the level of bluffing that Palin has kicked off her campaign with I wonder if she’ll be honest and responsible enough to learn the required lessons.

Arrogant people don’t listen
It’s one thing to know your own mind and another to not give room to the opinions of others. She spent a large part of her speech talking about how America needs to become more energy independent, which is a worthy goal but her environmental record is pretty shocking, even to the point of choosing to not listen to leading scientific experts and groups such as the Centre for Biological Diversity.

She spoke about how Obama doesn’t talk about “victory” with regard to the wars in Iran and Afghanistan, but if she was paying attention she’d see that there’s no victory to be had in the traditional sense, and looking at it in black and white terms is dangerous.

She’s made it clear that she listens to what she wants to listen to – the voices that agree with her own opinions and beliefs.

Arrogant people talk first and think later
Long time Republican speech writer Matthew Scully was the pen behind the speech, and it’s arguable how much Palin inputted personally. Some of the digs, claims and jibes in the speech should have rung an alarm bell or two with her though, especially as she’s no stranger to the power of veto.

Her willingness to talk without apparent thought to consequences or due-diligence add weight to the argument that she believes she’s in the right, and her record is dotted with times where she talked and acted based on that instinct rather than a more considered stance.

She likened herself to a pit-bull with lipstick. Pit-bulls aren’t known for their deep thinking and will act on instincts based on self-preservation, hunger and play.

I realise there’s a dichotomy here in that I haven’t written about Obama or Clinton and whether they’re confident or arrogant. Does that introduce some hypocrisy to what I’ve written?

I don’t believe so, although Obama’s recent “pig” comment was certainly ill-judged. I’ve worked with successful, professional women over the last 6 years and have helped them manage career, family, relationships and confidence. I love seeing women doing things on their terms and having success in a way that’s relevant and meaningful to them, and to me there’s a dignity and integrity to Barack and Hillary that I didn’t see in Palin (at least, not yet), and perhaps that’s what really troubles me.

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Does Gen-Y Have the Balls to Change the World?

Steve — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 05:37:29 +0000

Check out this great clip.

The clever thing about it is that people can relate to both parts – the pessimistic, apathetic part, and the optimistic, hopeful part.

As human beings we all have those sides to us. Some days we couldn’t give a flying fig about things, other days we plug into what matters and get involved. But this clip made me think – what happens if these 2 sides are perfectly balanced, 50/50?

It means equilibrium.
It means that things won’t move forwards.
It means that we get in our own way.

So the elephant in the room is the fact that if Gen Y really wants to move the world forwards they need to shift that equilibrium. They need to shift the balance away from apathy and towards engagement.

The optimism, flexibility and ‘can-do’ attitude of Gen-Y is well documented, particularly with regard to changing the workplace, but I’ve seen indications in my own work and in the writing of others that Gen-Y isn’t quite so ‘can-do’ as they like to think they are. This makes me think that for all the talking up and hopeful interchange, much of Gen-Y will hit a wall where they discover that changing things is much more difficult than they thought.

There’s a big can of worms here, because I’m always coaching people on knowing the difference between the things in their life that they can change and influence and the things they can’t. I’ve seen clients bang their heads against brick walls trying to get things to happen, when it’s either completely out of their control or something that just isn’t ready to happen, so I let them know that it’s okay to stop bashing away against something they can’t change, and that that energy is better used elsewhere.

But maybe that’s missing an important point – that if everyone simply focused on the things that they can change and influence the equilibrium remains intact. Surely to move things forwards in line with the optimistic and hopeful side of us we need to engage with more than the things we can control. We need to engage with the things that seem to be out of control.

I honestly believe that everyone wants their life to matter; that everyone wants their contribution to the world to be greater than the sum of the parts. The problem, of course, is how that can happen in a world that seems to make that as difficult as possible, and how you can deal with the sometimes paralysing fear that what you do won’t matter.

Here’s what I think.

Changing the world, or at least your world, sounds like a mammoth, intimidating, confidence shredding task. But if you shift your own equilibrium, so that you’re spending more of your time engaging rather than not engaging, the rest will follow. Simple as.

It’s much easier to find the confidence and courage to plug into something that matters to you, as it means that you don’t have to worry about whether what you’re doing will matter to the world or contribute to a Big Picture. It just means that as long as what you’re plugged into means something to you, that’s all that really matters.

So by all means engage with something as big or complex as volunteering for a charity, standing on a political stage to make your viewpoint heard, taking part in a community project, working for an organisation with values you connect with or helping a friend in crisis. But it doesn’t have to be big, grand or life-changing. It could also be as simple or as small as engaging with a friendship, giving your barrista a smile, taking time to listen to a colleague’s point of view, making a suggestion instead of making a criticism, or any one of a million other things.

The point is this – if you can decide to spend more of your time plugged into things that mean something to you than not plugged into much at all, then you’ve got something special.

That’s how the equilibrium shifts, and that’s how things change.

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Forget about Being Professional if You Want to be Great at Your Job

Steve — Thu, 29 May 2008 06:33:20 +0000

There’s a lot of talk out there about being professional and growing up. Ryan Healey’s at it. Ryan Paugh’s at it. Angela Marino’s talking about it – and that’s the tip of the iceberg.

Sure, as you go from college to the workplace and even as you get promoted there’s a certain amount of growing up that needs to be done. Work isn’t optional unless you’re pretty darn lucky, money can be hard to come by and those pants aren’t gonna wash themselves.

But please, can we give the whole ‘being professional’ thing a rest? This is a real bug-bear of mine, because if you set out to ‘be professional’ you won’t be doing your best work and you’ll keep missing real success.

When you hit the workplace for the first time, or if you switch jobs and enter a new workplace, there’s a very real temptation to show your best side to your new colleagues and new boss. It’s like going on a date – you want the other party to see you as a great person, someone who’ll add a huge amount while not causing trouble, and you do that by taking care to show only the parts of you that you think will get the result you’re looking for. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give a good impression and I applaud someone who’s keen to show their best strengths and assets.

The problem comes when you start filtering your behaviour and judgement so that you fit in with what you think it means to be ‘professional’ or ‘grown-up’. Too many times, ‘being professional’ means self-editing.

I’ve seen it loads of times. Cassie complained to me that she felt awkward in meetings, like her confidence vanished. When we dug into it, the reason for her awkwardness and low confidence was that she was self-editing what she did and said based on what she thought being a professional meant she should be doing and saying. When she let go of the idea of being professional she had more impact in her meetings, made a valid and valued contribution and did more great work as a result.

Shelley felt stuck in her law firm and didn’t know why her career wasn’t taking off in the way she hoped it would. She was demotivated and her confidence was steadily slipping. When we got down to it – guess what? – we saw that she was so busy pussy-footing around, trying to fit in, trying to get on with her colleagues and trying to be professional that she forgot about doing great work in a way that works for her.

She’d started out at her firm careful to make a good, professional impression, and before long that became automatic. ‘Being professional’ became a primary focus, and she clean forgot about using her strengths and values to do great work.

These are just 2 examples, and there are countless more, myself included. Some years ago I drove myself nuts while self-editing and squeezing myself into a box marked ‘professional’. It wasn’t a box that I fitted into and I hated every moment, all the while pretending it was fine because it was the professional thing to do.

The problem’s always the same – thinking that you need to grow up and be professional in order to fit into an organisation and do your job well. Do this and you’ll limit yourself and will be getting in the way of your own success.

The solution’s the same too – putting your primary focus onto doing great work by using your strengths, talents and values instead of fitting into how you assume you should be behaving. Do this and you’re free to do your best work by being yourself.

I’m a laid back guy. I love to laugh. I love not taking things seriously. When I’m freelancing (even on Big Messy Project) I deliberately take time to forget about being professional, because I know that frees me up to do my best work.

That’s not to say that I drop my trousers and moon people in meetings or that I come back from lunch with a half-drunk bottle of tequila and a completely drunk Mariachi band in tow. Reggie Perrin’s a hero of mine, but I’m not going to be as unprofessional as he was.

Nope, I’m talking about how you shouldn’t make ‘being professional’ your focus, not how you should make an ass out of yourself and get fired.

Please, please, please don’t be so keen to grow up and be professional. It’s vastly over-rated and no fun at all.

So what are your experiences with ‘being professional’? Do you feel the need to be professional that you sometimes struggle to deliver against? Have you seen that ‘being professional’ stops you from doing your best work, or maybe you’ve seen that it helps? Lemme know.

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