Make one wrong move and you’re out on your ear.  Screw up that new project, deliver that piece of work late or find yourself in the middle of a complex problem that you just can’t solve, and your boss will be straight on the phone to HR and asking IT to delete your account.

And that’s just if you have a job in the first place.  If you’re currently interviewing, you gotta leave that interview room having instilled your prospective employer with confidence that you’re right for the job.  Fail to do that and you won’t get the call back.

So how do you fill an employer with confidence?

I define confidence as being able to trust your behaviour with implicit trust in that behaviour.  It’s one thing to do that for yourself (and if you’re not confident in yourself can you really expect someone else to be?) but it’s another deal entirely when someone else needs to have implicit trust in your behaviour.

What Doesn’t Instil Confidence

Let’s take a minute to look at some of the things you could do that would not instill confidence in an employer (current or prospective).

• Habitually turning up late and never showing you give a damn.
• Always sidestepping problems or giving problematic tasks to others, just because they’re too difficult.
• Blaming someone else when the shit hits the fan, and not getting involved in finding a solution.
• Only spending time on the cool stuff, and either forgetting about or quickly slapping together the rest.
• Missing meetings because you forgot or just couldn’t be bothered.
• Not giving a damn when someone in your team needs a hand with something.
• Never sticking around when the team need to dig deep to get something done.
• Going through the motions and just calling it in; never noticing quality or opportunity.

Believe it or not, but there are people out there who are like this.  Yeah, what an asshole.  Not you of course, I know you can kick ass and I know you’re bloody good at what you do.  When you’re in there, doing it, firing on all cylinders, doing great work and getting great stuff done, there’s nobody quite like you.

And that’s what instills trust – a willingness to engage with the work and a willingness to engage with your own capability.

Demonstrate those 2 things (and use examples if you’re interviewing) and you’ll inspire trust and confidence in even the most beleaguered employer.

A Note for Employers

Same goes for you.  If you’re not doing these things then your employees won’t have any confidence in your ability to lead, manage or even run a bath.

Engage.

A friend of mine was telling me recently how his company has locked down Internet access for every employee.  No shopping sites, no entertainment sites, no social media sites.  To buy office equipment and computer equipment you have to apply to head office with details of the vendor, and you only get access if it’s approved.

Didn’t this happen back in the late 90’s when this Interwebnet thing took hold in organizations?

It’s just one example of company leaders not trusting their employees and it’s one of my real bug-bears.  I see examples everywhere I go – a company I freelanced at recently had over-burdened every process with so much bureaucracy that the processes were either broken or creaking at the seams.  The people were there to support the process rather than the process supporting the people.

Haven’t we learned this stuff yet?

It’s easy to address the problems and needs of a business by implementing a policy.  Then create another policy that covers something you hadn’t thought of when you created the first policy.  Pretty soon it’s like something out of the movie Brazil and the organisation starts suffocating.

What seems to be extraordinarily difficult for these organisations is to trust their employees to get on and do their jobs rather than than creating policies to control them.  And what’s even more difficult than that is trusting them to do more than just their jobs – to do great work.

Letting your employees do great work means that you’re giving them enough room to deliver something of real value, and an employee has to have the space and freedom to work in the ways that allow them to do their best work.  For many leaders, that space and freedom greatly increases the perceived risk.

Giving employees autonomy means relinquishing control over the minutiae of time and task that layers of process and policy are intended to provide.  Policies interfere with the autonomy, mastery and purpose that’s needed to really motivate, and you’ll end up with demotivated employees who never do great work.

Hiding behind policies is the sign of an unconfident leader.  It shows that you’re afraid your employees will screw up what you’re trying to build and it shows that you lack the ability to trust them with what matters.

It shows that you have no confidence in them.

Policies place a cap on the capability of an organization, so isn’t it time that leaders grew some balls and started trusting rather than controlling them?

So I’m back from Amsterdam and back at the blog after a month or so away it.  It’s been great to spend some time chilling out and getting healthier, and to be honest it’s taking me a little while to get back up to speed.  A couple of people have asked me why I keep writing for this blog at all considering that I’m ill, that I should cut down what I do and stop writing the blog.

I’ve thought about it.  I really have.  But I’d have to be pretty fucking ill for me to stop writing for this blog.  Pardon my French, but here are just a handful of reasons that I’m here:

Because I see people holding back and it breaks my heart a little bit.

Because too many people are pretending.

Because I love seeing people make decisions for the right reasons.

Because I love laughing with my clients.

Because the moment when someone truly sees how flippin’ great they are takes my breath away.

Because, by some happy accident, my method works and I get to make a difference.

Because I learn so much, all the time.

But in the end, there’s one reason above all the others that keeps me doing what I do.

Because it matters to me.

What matters to you that keeps you going no matter how tough things get?

This week sees me finishing up my Amsterdam adventure, and rather than a big finish with an orchestral flourish and jazz hands I’m limping to the finish line, weary and battered.

CFS has been kicking my ass, and I’ve had to take some time out sick and be incredibly careful to pace myself.  There have been moments where I haven’t been able to move because it hurt too much, the room was spinning and my legs didn’t work, but I’m back on my (wobbly) feet and aiming for the finish line.

I’ve been asked to extend  my contract here, which was expected and something I’d traditionally say yes to.  But this is one man called Steve who’s putting his health first this time, so while I won’t see the projects through to the end I will be making a good choice.

Regardless of the manner in which I cross the finish line, what strikes me as most important is that I’ll miss Amsterdam.  As chaotic as the office is, I’ll miss my new colleagues.  I’ll miss having a 15 minute commute to work.  I’ll miss living in a laid-back city with a wide choice of things to do and places to go.  As sick as I am right now and as much as I’m looking forward to being home, I’ll miss living in Amsterdam.

And I think that counts for a lot.  It’s much better to leave something and miss it than to leave something and hate or resent it, right?  That feels like an important distinction, but with the fog seeping into my brain I can’t quite figure out why.

I’m writing these words at around 10pm having just been for a stroll along the canal by my apartment before I hit the sack.  It was warm, peaceful and beautiful out there.  Almost enough to stay for.  But I know that all the time I’m ill I won’t be able to enjoy this city as I would want to.  I can’t make the most of this place all the time I have to manage this illness.  I can’t make the most of any place while I’m ill.

I’ve been a good coach and accepted this illness, but I’ve realised that I’ve been a little too good at accepting this.  I’ve normalised it just a little too much, but it’s not normal.  As a coach I’m trained to believe that nobody’s broken and nobody needs fixing, but my body’s broken and it needs fixing.  So I’m packing up and heading home, and I’m already lining up medical appointments for when I get back .

I’ll be taking a little break from writing for a couple of weeks, but in the meantime, let me know what I can do to help you out and if you have a story about taking a leap of faith be sure to let me know.

So, it looks like I’m going to Amsterdam after all.

Just recently I told you how I turned down an offer from a leading digital agency based in Amsterdam.  Well, the idea of going out there never strayed far from my thoughts, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that there’s always something interesting in those thoughts that just won’t budge.  So I kept on talking with them, met with them a couple of times and I shot to the top of their most wanted list.

Then I thought, what the hell.

So all things being equal, this time next week I’ll be living and working in Amsterdam; for a couple of months to start with but if there’s another thing I’ve learned it’s that anything can happen.

I’m both scared *and* excited, which is a cracking combination and something I’m always advising people to seek out (unless the terror and exhilaration is because you’ve been asked to become the world’s first inside-out astronaut).

My hesitation around my health is still there and still valid, but if there’s yet another thing I’ve learned (is this “things I’ve learned” thing getting tired yet?) I can always make a decision that serves me well.  If my CFS flares up I’ll deal with it, just like I have in the past.  It’s not a question of finding the courage to do this, it’s simply a question of using and applying everything I’ve learned.

What I need is to live in colour, not in shades of grey or black and white as I have been in an effort to “contain” my health.  That means adding extraordinary value to you, and it means freelancing in ways that work for me, not against me.  It also means having more fun than a kid who owns every toy in the Whole Wide World because he’s just been elected Lord of Toys, is invited to every Birthday party for the rest of time and can have a bite of any cake he sees.

I have to make choices that reflect what matters to me.  My health matters, but my life matters more.

I recently had one of the world’s very best digital agencies all but begging me to go and help them out with a tricky piece of work for 6 months over in Amsterdam, one of Europe’s most vibrant and beautiful cities.  They offered to ship me over, help me find an apartment (and pay for it), and pay me my top whack day rate.  Plus, they’re a really good bunch of people doing some reall good and interesting work.

I didn’t even have to interview – they just heard that I’m among the best at what I do and decided to get me in.  I’m immensely flattered and grateful, and you’d think that it’s a no brainer, right?  Especially for someone like me who always talks about how important it is to be open to risk, opportunity and possibility.  I should have leapt at this fantastic opportunity that was handed to me out of the blue on a silver platter, and told you all about what a great example I am.

But I didn’t.

I effectively turned it down.

Why?

Because I’ve become conditioned to live within a smaller world.

It’s coming up to the 2 year mark that I’ve had chronic fatigue syndrome.  CFS is part of my life and like any other part of my life I have to accept it – even embrace it – or be ready to pay a cost greater than the disease itself.  In doing that, it limits what I do and how I do it. My condition isn’t as bad as Christine Miserandino’s, but I still have to count my spoons.

I’d love to go to Amsterdam, work on a great project, hang out with some good people and enjoy the city during Spring and Summer.  Sounds pretty amazing doesn’t it?

But I’ve learned 2 things.

1. To manage CFS I need to have things pretty carefully arranged.  I need to not be rushing around not knowing what’s going on; I need to have things in their place.
2. Sometimes CFS bites me hard, and when that happens I need to feel at home.  I need to be able to relax, with all the things around me that I might need while I stir myself back to life.

Those are the reasons why I felt it wasn’t right for me to rush into something that might not serve me well.  They say that CFS sufferers have the best chance of beating it for good within the first 3 years – and I’m determined to be part of that group.  The risk that I could have this for the rest of my life completely terrifies me, and I guess that fear and the reality of having to work with the condition are stronger than anything else right now.

So that’s why it feels a bit like I’m a fraud – telling you to do stuff that I’m not willing to do myself.  Perhaps telling you this will cost me some brand equity, but if I’m not honest with you then what the hell am I doing here?

The good thing is that I now have a great relationship in place with these people, and have something of an open door for when the time’s right.  For that, I’m immensely grateful.  For conditioning myself to live a smaller life, I can’t even be frustrated with myself.  I’m not frustrated, I’m not angry, and even though there’s a hint of disappointment I just have to acknowledge it openly and move on as best I can.

And I guess that’s what this post is all about.

James Cameron has comfortably beaten his own world record, as Avatar roars past Titanic to become the biggest grossing movie of all time.  Whatever your criticism’s, there’s no denying that he delivered something that’s redefined the term “blockbuster”, and if you’re looking for blockbusting success as a freelancer or entrepreneur, here’s a guide to doing things his way.

1. You Create a Game Changer

Avatar has set new standards.  New standards of story-telling, new standards of imagination and new standards of technology.  “You’ve never experienced anything like it, and neither has anyone else,” said the Los Angeles Times, but the impact is spreading far wider than Hollywood.  The technology developed to make Avatar is already being hired out to other film-makers, football matches are being , the first 3D TV channel is about to appear and it’s rasied the bar on production standards on films and video games.

Nobody in the world has seen a movie like Avatar before, and it’s Cameron’s refusal to play by existing rules and his commitment to innovation that made it happen.  He didn’t simply follow the rules, he created new ones.

2. You Risk It All for What You Believe

Jack and Rose risked everything they knew for love.  Jake Sully left everything he knew behind him for what he believed in.  Ripley risked her own life to kick that Aliens’ ass to ensure nobody else would get hurt.

James Cameron earnestly, fervently and confidently pursued his vision and put his reputuation on the line by developing and producing Avatar.  The risk was huge, but his willingness to step into the possibility were bigger.  You gotta welcome risk if you want to play big.

3. You Can’t Not See It Through

There were many twists, turns and setbacks as Cameron tried to get the project off the ground, and at times it didn’t look like Avatar would ever get made.  Perhaps other directors would have got demotivated, disillusioned or have given up, but Cameron always found a way to solve each and every problem.

His self-confidence and unshakeable personal commitment meant that he didn’t stop at the first hurdle and he wasn’t thwarted by the 100th.  When you make a deep choice to commit, everything you do counts towards the whole.

4. You Care About the Audience

Avatar has bust every box-office record going, but Cameron never went about the project with the aim of making the biggest grossing film of all time.  Front and center of Cameron’s vision was the experience he wanted to create for the audience.

That’s where his passion came from, caring deeply about the content and caring about the audience.  The fact that he cared is the only reason it worked.

5. You Don’t Do It Alone

From the very start Cameron knew he couldn’t get his project going by himself, and so he connected and nurtured his socks off.  Relationships were a key focus, and he recruited the best people to the project, from the entrepeneur who helped developed the camera technology to mentors and champions within the movie business who could advise, teach and support.

To deliver something great you need to recruit the right people to your team and create an environment where everyone can do great work.  Nothing worthwhile is done in a vacuum.

6. It’s Not About the Awards

Would James Cameron not have bothered developing and making the movie if he knew he wouldn’t win the big awards at the Oscar’s?  Of course not, silly.

Awards and recognition are great and the thrill of being honoured by peers or mentors is fantastic, but if you go about something with the sole aim of obtaining external validation, praise or recognition then the focus is wrong.

Put your focus on making the best darn product or service you can and place the value of what you’re doing on the project itself, not how someone else might judge it or compare it.

You won’t succeed in business without a healthy dose of self-confidence.  Here are 30 reasons why natural self-confidence is so critical in business and entrepreneurship.

1. Being low on confidence in a business meeting means that fear and anxiety will get in the way of delivering your point in the best way.
2. You’ll be excited to go out of your comfort zone to see what’s out there.  Confidence allows you to take off the blinkers and look at other opportunities you wouldn’t have spotted before.
3. You won’t be demotivated or disillusioned by set-backs and will be ready and able to find ways through.
4. Nerves are fine, but coupled with low confidence they can be crippling.  Feeling both nervous and confident is a great way to make sure you perform at your best.
5. Just 7% of your communication is down to the actual words you use.  55% is visual non-verbal (i.e. body language) and 38% is vocal non-verbal (i.e. tone of voice, rhythm, etc).  People always pick up on conflicting or negative signals, while confident non-verbal communication speaks volumes.
6. Confidence makes it okay to experiment.  It sets out the playing field in a way that makes it okay to try things out to see what works best.
7. Real confidence means that you’re fully prepared to take responsibility for what you do, there’s no need for blame and fault.
8. Confidence brings self-honesty with it – there’s no more lying to yourself about what you’re doing, how you’re doing it and whether you’re on the right road.
9. Networking becomes easier because you don’t have to worry about how you’re coming across or what other people think of you – you can connect openly and honestly without fear.
10. You’ll be ready to ask for help when you need it; you’re assured enough to know that asking for help doesn’t hurt you, it helps you.
11. Second guessing yourself stops – you don’t need to anticipate everything and constantly ask yourself “What If?”
12. You’ll know that your fears are part and parcel of the process of building a great business and see them as an ally rather than an enemy.
13. You’ll know the difference between real doubt and imagined doubt, and you’ll be primed to deal with anything that’s real.
14. You won’t feel like you can’t pick up the phone or send that email because the guy on the other side won’t want to hear from you.  Other people are part of business-building.
15. An easy, natural confidence makes it simpler for other people to trust you, your words and your offering.
16. You’ll be able to openly admit when you’re flogging a dead horse, and adjust your game accordingly.
17. You’ll have a more rounded view of who you are and what you can do, rather than being confined by titles or job descriptions.
18. When conflicts arise you’ll be able to deal with them objectively and in the interests of your business, rather than taking it personally.
19. Suggestions, recommendations and even criticism from other people all have their place in improving how your business operates – they don’t take away from what you do, they add to it.
20. You’ll be able to create a business with the right people involved, rather than assuming you have to include whoever you can get or giving in to low expectations about who you can work with.
21. You’ll understand that partnership and joint venture opportunities aren’t a threat to your customer base and business, they’re a valuable addition that can open up another market for everyone involved.
22. With natural confidence you’ll be better able to establish good rapport with colleagues, clients and contacts.
23. You’ll have complete trust in your own skills, strengths, experience and talents rather than doubting whether they’re good enough.
24. Relationships are at the heart of any business.  If you don’t have confidence in your interpersonal relationship abilities your business is flawed from the outset.
25. You won’t be scared to look at the numbers – finance might not be your bag but it doesn’t frighten the life out of you.
26. Confidence gives you the scope to set challenging objectives for your business, rather than setting easily met targets that don’t stretch or grow you or the business.
27. You’ll be able to spot those old sabotaging behaviors and stop them, the ones that always prevented you from playing big and succeeding.
28. You’ll understand that building a business is sometimes a long game and won’t get put off when things don’t all happen at once.
29. You’ll know the things that truly matter to you, and will shape your business in line with those things rather than cutting corners or following a meaningless path.
30. Being confident makes it easier to think in terms of what you can do rather than what you can’t do.

That’s the tip of the iceberg – what have I missed?

The naughties might be over, but that’s no reason to stop being naughty.  In fact, I downright encourage it.

While you certainly have to get in the game if you want to win, success isn’t necessarily achieved by playing by the established rules of the game.  Whatever you’re working on, whatever game you’re in, whatever you’re building, you have to ask 2 questions:

1. Who made these rules up anyway?
2. Why did I assume this was the only way?

Success isn’t achieved by following a well-trodden path, particularly as an entrepreneur.  You won’t win by playing by someone else’s rules or by assuming things need to be done a certain way.  By all means learn from your role models and mentors, but don’t blindly follow what they – or anyone else – has done.  They did it their way, and there’s no guarantee the same rules will work for you.

“Whatever you do, don’t read this book and take everything I say for word… Don’t ever be afraid to put your feet in that water, whether I’ve said a word about it or not.” – Gary Vaynerchuk, “Crush It”.

Success, particularly in todays tech-enabled world, is down to innovation.  Or in other words, success isn’t about how other people have done it, it’s how you want to do it.

That’s not to say you should tear around like a bull in a china shop or make outrageous claims about yourself that you simply can’t deliver on, but you have to give yourself permission to step out and break the rules.  You gotta be bold and brave enough to make up your own rules for achieving what matters to you, and to hell with what the establishment might think.

I have some fresh ideas in the works that I’m excited about, and while I continue to listen to and learn from the people I respect I’m also ready to put their advice to one side and make things up as I go.  It doesn’t matter whether I do what folks expect or not, and neither does it matter whether I go about things in the way I’d expect to normally.  What matters is that I play well and innovate.

I think this takes guts and confidence, and it’s why most budding entrepreneurs trip themselves up at the first hurdle.  It requires that you spend time being uncomfortable, because growth and change don’t happen while you’re sitting comfortably. The confidence to break the rules, to be happy being uncomfortable and to innovate by using everything you have and everything you are is what allows you to change the game.  And it can be learned.

Success is not about playing by the rules, it’s about being naughty.

What do you think?

Unemployment figures are hitting around 1 in 10 of the population, with some areas nearly hitting 1 in 5.  There are an average of 50 graduates fighting for a reduced number of vacancies, with around half not able to find work.

That’s some scary shit right there.

Getting turned down for a job sucks, I get that.  It’s happened to me a couple of times over the years, and I remember the considerable size and weight of the frustration and emotion that kicked up afterwards.

I remember feeling that disappointment in the pit of my stomach, and it’s all too easy to lose heart, motivation and self-confidence when all you’re seeing are rejection letters and daytime TV.

But you’ve gotta keep going and you’ve gotta keep working at it – so here are my thoughts on keeping yourself going and keeping your self-confidence intact.

1. It’s a process.
You have to trust that at some point you WILL find a job.  This recession, however deep it is and however long it continues, will end and things will pick up.  Your job hunt will end, and things will pick up.

You’re in a process, and the end of that process is walking into your shiny new job.  Some job hunts take longer than others, and sometimes it’s a numbers game.  Everything you do takes you further through the process and closer to the finish line.  Trust that.

2. Take a different view.
It’s so easy to beat yourself up about not getting a job.  Telling yourself that you’re not good enough at what you do, that you can’t compete because there are so many better people or that you must really suck at interviewing is only going to make you feel crappier than ever.

So you need to find a more useful way of looking at things, a different view that helps you rather than hinders.

It might sound corny, but what can you learn?  What can you take forwards to your next interview?  What can you do differently next time?

Every part of the experience can be valuable and can develop your skills in job hunting.  Look at each step as practice – everything you’re doing is improving your ability, making you a better player in the job hunting game and giving you a better chance of winning.

3. Keep living.
A lot of people put their lives on hold during an extended job hunt, and they suffer as a result.  Turning up to an interview when you’re emotionally and physiologically tired is like turning up to climb Everest in flip flops and a party dress. It’s not going to help you one bit.

You have to keep on doing things in your life that nourish your head, heart and body.  Balance your budgets as you need to, but keep prioritising the things that keep you topped up and energised.  See your friends and laugh yourself silly.  Hit the gym and eat well.  Read the books on your shelf and keep your mind challenged.

Don’t beat yourself up for not spending all your time looking for work and don’t feel guilty when you do something for yourself.  It’s your responsibility to keep yourself nourished.

4. Innovate and participate.
Chances are you’re already doing this, if so please forgive the egg-sucking 101 that’s about to happen.  If you’re not doing this, you need to move now.

Break the rules, please.  Don’t simply read the local press or scan the well-trodden job boards for openings and then moan how there’s nothing out there, and don’t simply go for the big, obvious companies.   Innovate.

I don’t just do 1 thing to earn my money, and every contract I’ve secured in the last 2 years has been through personal connections, and those connections have come about as a result of the effort I’ve put into building relationships with people.

Someone in New York looked at my LinkedIn profile back in April, and having nurtured that single connection it’s going to bring in over £40,000 this year.

Innovate different ways for you to connect to the people that you would love to speak with or work with, then participate your ass off.

5.Don’t blame yourself for what you can’t control.
The good news is that you can control around 50% of what happens in a job hunt.  The bad news is that there’s always some stuff (around 50% for you maths whizzes out there) that you can’t control.

A company might not win a contract that they were banking on to fund a new post.  A parent company might put a recruitment freeze on the companies in their group.  Your HR contact might go on vacation or on sick leave and the new guy might have a different way of doing things.

The point is to not attach yourself to the stuff you have no control over.  Absolutely put some effort into influencing things, but don’t make it your job to control everything that happens – you’ll drive yourself nuts.