What are you whining about? What is there in your life that you’d like to change? If you could feel different about something how would you want to feel?
I’m willing to bet that there’s something that’s niggling you, getting your goat, draining your energy or frustrating you So why haven’t you done anything about it?
Angela was a client who had a couple of things that were bugging her. One was about her boyfriend who seemed to have drifted away and wasn’t spending as much time with her as she wanted, and the second was a strained relationship with her boss following a blunder that her team made on a project she was running. Both of these things were buzzing around her head and getting her down, for the simple reason that she believed she was powerless to do anything about them.
She’d lost confidence in her ability to make change happen, was waiting for things to change by themselves and was dangerously close to playing the role of victim.
What she needed to do was figure out that she could still make choices, and to get her confidence back I took Angela through these 3 steps:
- We looked at the difference between how she was looking at things right then and how she used to look at things when she felt confident about what she was doing. It became pretty clear that when she was feeling good she was constantly ready to make decisions – even if she didn’t recognise just how many decisions she was really making. She just tackled what needed to be tackled and used her strengths to get results.
- We looked at where she was dodging responsibility for what was happening. It turned out that she wasn’t spending quality time with her boyfriend and her own communication with him had deteriorated.
At work it turned out that she was resentful towards her boss for making her feel small and incapable, and she was holding that resentment and hurt pretty close. She also saw that she was walking on tip-toes and playing it safe in her work to avoid a similar situation.
- Having acknowledged the facts about what she was dodging the next step was simply to recognise that she was allowed to make any choice at any time. We looked at some options, looked at what decisions she could take that would bring her back to her best and free her up from the powerlessness and resentment. She was way ahead of me and didn’t need any further encouragement to get moving – she was just a little stunned that she hadn’t seen it before.
We human beings have an unparalleled level of influence over our lives and our environment, and every step we make is shaped by the choices we make. At any minute of any day you’re able to make a choice, and you’re only moments away from your next one.
Like Angela, when you forget that you have the capacity to make decisions you’re dodging responsibility for what happens next. Get out there and make the decisions that are relevant and really matter to you.
That’s true confidence.
- Other articles you might like:
- 4 Ways to Show Your Weaknesses Who’s Boss
- Don’t give a hoot if you want real inner confidence
- How Do You Look in Your Jeans?
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