Happy New Year to you. It’s been a while hasn’t it?

I’ve spent the last 6 months working my cotton socks off, preparing the biggest thing I’ve ever done.  I’ve probably worked a little too much if I’m honest with you, and with CFS/ME biting me right on my tuckus it’s certainly slowed me down a little.  But it hasn’t stopped me.  Not by a long shot.

Launching soon is what I’ve been calling Project X, the convergence of a decade of coaching experience, some of the very latest discoveries in the field of neuroscience and whole heap of stuff designed to do just one thing:

To help you put your dent in the universe.

I’ll be announcing the whole thing very, very soon and it’ll be bloody brilliant to have you along for the ride.  In fact, it won’t be the same without you, so consider this your official invitation.

In the meantime, I’d love to know what kind of dent you’d love to make in 2012 – add a comment to let me know.

PS: Along with the announcement of Project X there will be a really special giveaway that you’ll not want to miss out on.  Stay tuned.

Time for change.

I mentioned a little while ago how I was working on something new, something big, something that I was jumping up and down about in excitement.

That’s all true, and while I’ve made some important progress with the project I haven’t made as much progress as I wanted to.  I originally wanted to launch it by the beginning of June, and as you can see, that hasn’t happened.

So I gotta make a choice.

It comes down to time, energy and focus, and I simply don’t have enough of those things to split them between The Confidence Guy and Project X.  Something’s gotta go, and in order to focus on my new project I’m ramping down my writing here at The Confidence Guy.  And once Project X is up and running, that’s where I’ll be be hanging out.

It feels really strange to be letting go of something that’s been so close for the last 4 years, and while I’ve grappled with the decision a fair bit, it feels like the perfect thing for me to do.

And I know that this is the only way I’ll get to launch Project X.

If there’s one thing that I’ve talked about here that I want to stick with you, it’s that you have to make choices that honour what matters to you.  I’m just practicing what I preach.

What I want you to know is how grateful I am to you.  Grateful for your readership.  Grateful for your thoughts.  Grateful for your comments and emails.  From day one my aim with this blog was to give you tools, insights, ideas and strategies to change; to really change; and I’m not going to abandon that intention or abandon you.

Believe it or not you matter to me, so I will post the odd update or two here to let you know what’s happening and where things are at with Project X.  If it’s okay with you, I’d love to keep you in the loop.

I’m genuinely excited about this change but equally I have no idea what’s going to happen.  Project X could fail spectacularly for all I know, but I just have to give it my best shot (and to be honest, if I wasn’t willing to do that then just who the hell am I to be telling you to do what matters?).

I can’t wait to share it with you if you’re ready for something that’ll knock your socks off!

Thanks so much, and as ever, just holler if there’s something I can help you out with.

You know the story about the boy in the marching band?

The whole band are marching together with magnificent style and timing, apart from this one boy who’s the only one marching out of step.  His mother, beaming with pride, proceeds to tell everyone she knows how he was the only one in the whole band who was marching in step.

That’s kind of how I’ve felt ever since I trained as a coach back in 2002.  That training was focused on using goals in order to drive personal development and personal change, and even back then something wasn’t sitting right.

It was around 3 years later that I dumped that goal-setting approach and discovered a better way of changing things; a way that actually worked.

I’ve been vocal right here on the blog about how I don’t think goals are all they’re cracked up to be and how they bring along more problems than they solve.  And I thought I was the only one, until Leo Babauta extolled the exact same philosophy during the World Domination Summit.

So here are 5 posts from the archives that tell you exactly why I take issue with traditional goal-setting and what I suggest instead.

1. Having Goals Doesn’t Work and the Swedish Know It
2. Feeling Blue – Is ‘Living Up to Your Potential’ BS?
3. Goal Setting (is) for Dummies
4. How to Know Where You Want to Go, and How to Get There With Confidence
5. The No-Goal Guide to an Extraordinary 2011

How about you – can you picture your life without goals? Or do you disagree with me and think that goals are the only way to make real progress?

I’ve read some really amazing accounts of the World Domination Summit that resonate and echo a lot of my own thoughts.  But before I get into what I took away from the Summit, here are my 24 of my favourite things from last weekend.

1. Pam Slim’s face as I introduced myself as Steve, and the surprise and delight as a heartbeat later she said “Steve….Errey? ERREY!”.  Pam Slim was delighted to meet me.  Pam Slim.
2. Karen Walrond’s stunning session, Different is Beautiful.  Adored every moment.
3. The universal and sincere curiosity of every attendee.
4. The abundant smile and warmth of Jodi Womack.  Thanks for the trombones!
5. Writing “Belong” on my arm with a Sharpie.
6. Smiling and laughing more than I have in a very long time.
7. Still meeting great people and having that common connection days after the conference closed.
8. The Communicatrix’s new asshole.  Funny is everywhere, even when life sucks.
9. Pam Slim’s generosity.  Yes, I’ve already mentioned her, but her generosity is tangible, palpable, magical.
10. Hatching a plan with the gentle Joshua Harbert to get a grizzly bear through UK immigration.
11. Being buoyed up by the support of people who really get it.
12. Hearing real stories.  Stories of hope, fear, dreams, confusion, peace, frustration and love.  Does it get better than that?
13. Mercedes Grant’s disco pants and exciting new film project. Watch out for this one.
14. The hand-written notes attached to the bottom of our chairs by Jen Lemen and Andrea Scher from Mondo Beyondo.  Mine was “We’re all rooting for you.”  Exactly what I needed.
15. Cynthia Morris’s testicular breakfast.  You kinda had to be there.
16. Not having to try.
17. Mark Silver‘s gentle talk and powerful ideas that just might have opened a door for me.
18. Hugs.  Lots o’ hugs.
19. Not having CFS/ME define me.
20. Sitting in Stumptown coffee the morning after the closing party, not being able to write and having the gorgeous Shannon O’Donnell come through just by chance and come sit with me.  Just what I needed, just when I needed it.  And I picked out her favourite photo because it was mine too.
21. The feeling of being in a room with 500 of the most talented, gifted, generous, insightful, creative and driven people in the world.
22. The sheer energy and vitality of Chantelle Baxter – she’s doing amazing things.  “I’m driving the bus!”.
23. Not being online.  With no wifi to speak of at the venue there were no distractions.  It was about people.
24. Telling people about my “No Goals” approach to coaching at the opening party, then having Leo Babauta and Danielle LaPorte say the very same thing the next day.  That’s some pretty, pretty, pretty good company right there.

Some great times to be sure, but with all of that noted I’ve struggled to know exactly what I want to say about it.

The messages are nothing new, right?

Chances are you’ve seen the ideas from the Summit before.  Follow your heart.  Do what matters.  Don’t fit in, stand out.  Dare to be different.  You’re the answer.  Be of service.  Go the extra mile.  You need the hard times as well as the good.  You’re already awesome.  Beauty is everywhere.

Many, many more ideas that are as relevant to you as you allow them to be.

There was a lot of content, which is good an’ all, but the Summit was one of those rare “conferences” (the word conference doesn’t fit WDS at all well) where the content was perhaps the smallest ingredient.

The people, the conversations, the hugs, the support, the curiosity, the sharing, the laughs, the friendliness and the generosity were all stirred into the same pot and left to bubble away for 2 and a half days.  Flavours developed and richened.  Ingredients harmonized.  Deliciousness filled the building.  Everyone became hungry.

In his session, Mark Silver said that when your heart is hungry or thirsty you feel needy.  God knows I’ve been feeling needy.

Rather than giving in to the temptation to jump right into action, Mark explained how actions stemming directly from that need won’t bear fruit; but that it’s possible for that need or emptiness to turn into a deep desire that moves you into congruent, graceful action.

And that’s what I’m feeling.  Both empty and full at the same time.  I’m building a relationship with that need that I hadn’t figured on when I arrived in Portland, and I’m taking it slowly.  And it’s not just me, in conversations after the summit I found that people were taking it slowly.  Letting the dust settle.  Making space for that quiet voice inside.  Allowing the need to turn into desire.

And that’s my take-away – a growing relationship with the part of me that I’ve neglected, and a quiet beginning of a transformation that’s already moving me.

The timing’s perfect, and not only will this help to make my next project fly but it will help to satiate that hunger I’ve been pushing aside.

The next few months will be extraordinary indeed.

Some unexpected perspective

A couple of hours ago on my way from London Paddington to Charing Cross having just flown back to the UK, my cab driver told me that his 31 year old daughter had been killed 3 nights ago by a drunk driver.  He said that the man’s car was embedded in his daughters’ car and couldn’t even be separated.  He told me that he didn’t have the money available to bury her, so was working extra hours to make up the cash rather than spending it home grieving with his wife.

I asked about his daughter a little bit, and she seemed to be much like everyone else – imperfect, but hopeful.  He was angry with himself for not being able to provide for his own daughters funeral, feeling like he’d failed everyone.

I gave him £30 for a £10 cab fare, which was everything I had in my wallet, shook his hand and said goodbye.  Nothing I could have said or done would have fixed it, but I hope at least the surprise in his face let him see that there is help out there.

So while I entered the cab feeling pissed off for being back in a country I don’t really want to be in, I left the cab feeling grateful to be home, and with a quiet sense that I simply have to get my next coaching project out into the world.

Not pursuing your true north serves no one.

A little perspective goes a long way, huh.

This last weekend will be one long remembered by me, and by the 499 other people who attended the very first World Domination Summit in Portland.

If there was one word for it, it would be ”Holy cow”.  Yes, that’s 2 words, but the rules don’t apply here.

The absorption of messages, people and connections from the weekend is going to take some time (and from the tweets I’ve seen, everyone else feels the same), and I have a very strong feeling that ideas will continue to land, link and coalesce for quite some time to come as a result.

Once the immediate dust settles there’s likely to be a couple of changes round here which I’ll tell you about as soon as I figure them out.  In the meantime, there are 3 things I’m immensely grateful for:

1. Having the opportunity to spend time with truly extraordinary people.
2. Getting back the feeling that my next project will be relevant, needed and HUGE.
3. My CFS/ME was a challenge at times, but my body delivered when I asked it to and allowed me to be present.

I’ll write more about the Summit soon, but wanna leave you with a couple of photo’s from the trip and with one, important thought that echoes what I’ve been talking about right here for the last 3 years.

If you’re not engaging with what matters to you, start.

And just so I can stretch out my 40th Birthday celebrations even longer, here’s the remaining 20 things I’ve learned in my first 40 years on this curious little blue and green rock.

21. I leave religion and religious beliefs alone, otherwise we both end up getting offended.  Even with subjects I’m passionate about, I gotta see that there’s no single “right” way.
22. Individually, people rock.  Collectively, they’re crazy.
23. I’m a great believer in sticking at something, but sometimes the best and most courageous things is to get the hell out of dodge.
24. There’s good in everyone.
25. Wanting to belong to something continues to be one of my strongest drivers, but it’s also the thing I feel the least and doubt the most.  It’s such a powerful motivator that there are layers of positive and sabotaging behaviour around it, so I’ve learned to be aware of it.
26. There’s no substitute for grace.
27. My imagination is bigger than I ever imagined (paradox anyone?), and that creativity has to be put to use or I go crazy.
28. Music talks to the soul and can rejuvenate in moments.
29. I find it irresistibly attractive when someone is able to create a moment in time based on what feels true to them.
30. Sitting at a bar in a new city and chatting with the locals never ceases to make me feel alive.
31. Meditation is not fluffy, fu-fu, guru, hippy shit.
32. I love superhero mythology because they always stay true to what matters the most, even against seemingly insurmountable odds.  If I can do that in even the smallest way, then I’ve lived extraordinarily well.  Plus, the outfits rock.
33. Nobody else can tell me what to believe or where to put my energy.  I’m always at the helm of this thing.
34. However much my body and health slows me down is the pace I need to accept.  Fighting my body won’t get me anywhere.
35. I’m smarter than the average bear, but the average bear can probably catch a ball better than me.  In other words, everyone has stuff they’re good at and not good at, and the only time that becomes an issue is if I turn it into one.
36. The single biggest impact you can have on your life is being aware of your thoughts.
37. As far as money goes, hoping that things will turn around while prioritizing short term pleasure is not a great combination.
38. Everyone has a story and every story is valuable.
39. When I forget that there’s beauty in everyday life I feel embittered.  Valuing the tiny, extraordinary elements of a moment can always make it beautiful.
40. Looking back on the last 40 years, knowing what I know now, I may have made some different choices.  So perhaps the biggest thing I’ve learned is to apply what I’ve learned so far to the next 40.

Over to you. What’s something you’ve learned that you can tell us about?

So, it finally happened.  It’s not like I didn’t have plenty of notice, but it’s still kinda hard to believe that today’s my 40th Birthday.

Just before I put on my slippers and start researching hip replacement procedures, I’ve decided to bring together some of the biggest things I’ve learned in the last 40 years.  There’s been a few of these “x things I’ve learned” posts around recently (I’m just waiting for the first “5 things I’ve learned now that I’m 5” post), but it seems fitting somehow that I give some good thought to the last 40 years to see just what the heck happened and what I can learn from it all.

While a lot of it’s a blur (anyone seen my 20′s?), here’s the first 20 things I’ve learned (the second 20 will be along soon).

1. There really is nothing more valuable than your health.
2. It’s natural for friends to come and go, but my family is both persistent and wonderful.
3. Whenever I resist something, the more of a struggle it becomes.  As Picard used to say, “Engage”.
4. Laugh with life.  Always. Frankly, I don’t like the alternative.
5. Even if I want to punch someone, curl up into a ball in pain or run away as fast as I can, always have a smile ready to go.
6. Some solitude is required, too much is dangerous.
7. Singing to yourself in the car always feels good.
8. When I’m faced with something insurmountable, I make a choice as to whether it’s something I want to start or not, and then I trust myself to begin. Whatever happens after that is for later.
9. I can’t be all things to all people.  The best I’ve got is all I’ve got.
10. Intimacy is probably the scariest and most wonderful thing I can think of.  The trick then, is to not let the scary bit overwhelm the wonderful bit.
11. Some of life’s very best moments are spent with good people over a good meal.
12. Life is too short to spend it working with assholes.
13. My expectations of myself are almost impossibly high, because I know just how big a dent I could make in this little universe of ours.  I know that those expectations can sometimes hurt me, so I’ve learned to reset them when they’re harmful.
14. I waste too much time watching TV and playing PlayStation, but that time soothes me.  So perhaps it’s not wasted after all.
15. I’ll always find it hard to ask for help, but that doesn’t change the fact that I sometimes need it.
16. I could never date a smoker or a vegetarian.
17. I have the ability to engender trust from just about anyone in no time at all, which is all the more reason not to abuse that trust.
18. The most precious thing to me is seeing a moment of undeniable truth.  I call it magic.
19. Don’t cling tightly to a belief or a way of thinking if I know deep down that I can’t defend it or honour it.
20. My heart leaps every time I see an underdog trying hard, and it breaks every time I see someone who thinks they “can’t”.  As much as I might want to help or jump to the rescue it’s not always my job to.

Tina was a client who told me how she’d given a great presentation once, but has bottled it every time since then

Rob mentioned to me that he’d bungee jumped once when he was travelling around Australia, but has held himself back from leaping into the abyss ever since.

Ella explained to me how she once opened up emotionally to her partner and revealed a vulnerability, but has since built those walls up again and doesn’t know how to talk openly.

One of the first things I ask a new client is “Tell me something you’ve done that took confidence”, and I’ve given you just 3 examples from a couple of hundred.

Giving a great presentation once doesn’t mean you’re a great presenter – you just gave a great presentation once.  Going bungee jumping once doesn’t mean you’re always ready to leap – you just let gravity do its thing once.  And opening up emotionally doesn’t mean you’re an open, emotionally intelligent person – you just let the moment take you once.

Confidence is being able to trust your behaviour with implicit trust in that behaviour, and that’s not a one-time thing.  That’s why I always ask that question, because I know it makes 2 things abundantly clear.

Confidence is always there.

It’s easy to be confident when you’re feeling confident, just as Tina, Rob and Ella found.  You could say that the 3 of them had a distinct lack of feeling not-confident; they found themselves in a place where there was no un-confidence; the one thing that was absent from each of their experiences was a loss of confidence.  See what I’m getting at?

Your confidence never goes away.  It diminishes the more you ignore it or when you forget it, but it’s always there waiting for you to use it.  More and more I’m seeing confidence as your natural state.  It’s how you are when all the crap that gets in the way of you feeling confident is removed.

That’s my favourite thing about confidence – it’s like the very best friend you never had.  You can bad-mouth it, disparage it, ignore it and even punch it square in the jaw, and it will always be there, willing to help you.

Watching a client as they discover that THEIR confidence is right there, waiting for them, is simply awesome.

Confidence is applied at the point of change

Confidence has to be applied at the point of change – the point that tips what happens next one way or the other – and it needs to be applied consistently.

The point of change is that moment in time where you choose between fear and action, doubt and decision, function and dysfunction, capability or disability, strength or weakness, assumption or insight.  That list goes on, but the only way you get to choose which way to go is to be mindful of the point of change itself, and then to mindfully apply confidence.

How do you that?

Practice.

Practice is the only way you can train your brain in a new way of thinking; it’s the only way to set up new patterns of thought that work better and become the norm for you.  You gotta show your brain that the way it’s done things in the past might not be the best way, and if you can come up with a more effective way then your brain will love it.

See it and apply it, and your life will be every bit as extraordinary as you always hoped it would be.

What’s something you’ve done that took confidence?
Have trouble applying confidence at the point of change?
Feel like your confidence ISN’T there waiting for you?

Let me know in the comments.

“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.” – Joseph Campbell

Here’s a toughie.  Could your plans actually be stopping you from getting what you want rather than helping you get what you want?  Could the plans you’ve carefully put in place be more of a hindrance than a help?

I’ve recently chatted with a few people who have big plans.  They’re going somewhere, have clear ideas about what that looks like and the steps they need to take to get there.  Their big plans are broken down into small steps and they have a good idea of what they need to do next week, next month and next year.  They have a clear investment in the plans they’ve made for their career, their social life and for their romantic life.

Some go into greater detail than others – one guy I spoke with had looked at the stats and established that he has a 60% chance of getting married in the next five years, and he’d started making contingency career plans based on that probability.  He was putting plans in place having considered a demographically based statistical projection of what was likely to happen to him over the next 5 years.  That’s pretty darned detailed.

As a responsible personal development professional I’m supposed to be right behind this kind of focus, and I should be trumpeting all of this goal-setting and planning.  I should be congratulating these people for their mature and responsible approach, and for having a firm hand on their rudder.  After all, fail to plan and you’re planning to fail, right?

Well, I for one don’t believe it, for 3 very good reasons.

1. Plans replace meaning
Details can consume you.  Planning can easily fall into the trap of being all about the detail and nothing about the meaning, vision or distinct value of the undertaking.  Keep on planning and you’ll keep on seeing the detail, never the big picture.

In my freelancing I’m sad to say that I see this a lot – mountains of impressive looking detail, but none of it adding up to very much.

2. Life doesn’t go to plan.
You can have the most fool-proof plan ever devised, everything laid out nice and neatly and orderly, and life will come along, spill red wine all over them, call you a useless fecker, then kick over the table they were laying on and do an Irish jig right on top of them while wearing dirty work boots.

(Yes, in this metaphor life is an Irish labourer who drinks cheap Shiraz, loves Riverdance and swears like a drunken docker).

The most essential ingredient to any great plan is to have it be flexible enough to throw away if you need to.  Which leads me to my third point.

3.  You grow by letting things go.
What you want now might not be what you want next year.  And I very much doubt it’ll be exactly what you want ten years from now, or even five years from now.

Hearing what’s next in your life can be impossible when all you can hear is the hum from the plans you’ve made.

It’s easy to miss an intriguing, hidden path when your eyes are fixed on the map you drew before you left home.

Sometimes you gotta add things to your life to move it forwards, but other times it’s what you remove that allows your life to take shape.  Letting go not only frees you up from your out-dated assumptions and rules, but it gives you strong, undeniable evidence of your ability to learn and grow.

It’s by letting go that you get the best shot at the life you really want.

When it’s right to give up the life you planned

People hoard things and clutch things tightly out of insecurity – having “stuff” around you that you put there makes you feel safe and makes you feel like you’re in control of your environment.  Same goes for plans, and you have to know when you’re making plans because you want a comfort blanket.

It’s easy for plans to become noise and clutter – full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.  If you’re pouring more focus, time, energy or spirit into your plans rather than the right now, I’d suggest that something’s out of kilter.  Yes, giving up long held plans is probably the most courageous thing you can ever do in your life, but focus too much on your plans and you’ll miss out what’s right there in front of you.

Sometimes in life, your plans are the very thing that keeps you from the life that’s waiting for you.

Are you guilty of over-planning?
Does it feel like you can’t let go of what you thought you had to do?
Or are you just terrified of going off-plan?

Let me know in the comments.

A lot of people will look at this blog and think it’s piled to the rafters with nonsense.  Others will think it’s hitting nails on heads all over the place.  If you’re in the former group then let’s say cheerio right now and go our separate ways.  If you’re in the latter group, hi *waving*.  I’m good with both.

To be fair, there is some stuff on here that I think is nonsense, just like there’s a lot of stuff out there in the world that I think is nonsense too.  Organised religion.  The idea that Law of Attraction will cure my ME.  The 4 hour body.  The heaps of maverick entrepreneurs telling you how to launch your own business online and make heaps of money.  People with an endearably inaccurate view of what they do.  Self-appointed “mavens”.  Katie Price.  The list goes on.

Nonsense = No Sense

Confidence requires honesty with yourself, and if you’re spinning yourself a heap of nonsense – and falling for it – it becomes easy to self-validate by spinning that nonsense to others.

We all see things that make no sense, some easier to spot than others.  Normally I just kinda roll my eyes and move on, but in a fit of cantankerousness here’s some of the crap that I think needs to be cut.

You gotta know where you’re lying to yourself.
If you’re telling yourself a story that everything’s swell when in fact things are falling apart, you gotta call it and get real.  We all lie to ourselves about certain things – eating this extra piece of pie doesn’t mean I’m breaking the diet. I’ll just hang on for a few more months to see if things turn around. It’s the wrong time to make my move. I really do want to be with them.  Sometimes it’s fairly harmless, but other times it’s immensely damaging.  I lied to myself about my spending habits for several years, and consequently I’m encumbered with huge debts.  I lied to myself about a career that was destroying me, and was surprised when it destroyed me.

You gotta know if you’re wasting time or treading water. Similar in some ways to lying to yourself, wasting time and treading water is the last resort of the terminally indecisive.  Putting off a decision or deciding to wait a bit longer to make a decision IS making a decision.  Don’t fool yourself that it’s a positive choice, it isn’t.  There is no sideways in life.

You gotta know if you’re listening to assholes.
There are a lot of people who will say what you want to hear.  There are a lot of people who will offer the earth, take your money and deliver dirt.  Do we really need any more people telling us how to really make six figures online?  Do we really need any more people peddling self-development clap-trap that is more likely to confuse or limit than to clarify or expand?

I’m no font of wisdom and never profess to be.  I’m figuring this all out as I go, and I’d never claim to have all the answers.  My business is based on trust, and if I was to forget that and deliver a message that compromises that or betrays it, then I stray into asshole territory.

So check the messages that you’re taking in.  If you’re only taking in messages that you want to hear or fit with the way you already see things, get real.  There are some genuinely insightful, interesting, expansive and valuable people out there with great messages, great content and great offerings.  Seek those people out.

You gotta know if you’re chasing a lifestyle.
Some people would like you to believe that their lifestyle is one that you should pursue.  They say “Look at what I’ve done, look at how I live my life – don’t you want that too?” and then proceed to lay down how they’ve come to be where they are.

Now this is potentially a tricky one, because learning from other people can clearly be immensely valuable.  My problem with it is when someone goes from sharing insights into their lifestyle and inviting discussion to selling the idea of the lifestyle as a solution (whether it’s location independence, entrepreneurship, working 4 hours a week, becoming a pick-up artist or the latest trend of embracing minimalism).

A lifestyle that works for one person won’t work for another, and while it’s easy to be seduced by what we think a lifestyle will bring us and mean to us it’s the wrong motivation.  Don’t look at the resulting lifestyle, look at the resulting impact of the actions taken and the meaning of that impact – that’s the distinct value.

You gotta know if you’re wrong.
If the whole world is always wrong and you’re always right, one of two things is happening.  Either you’re decades ahead of your time and have reached the very pinnacle of genius, or you’re wrong.

Arranging things in your head so that you’re right does not make you right, and neither does it help you achieve any kind of meaningful success.  There’s tangible value in admitting that you’re wrong; value you’ll never realise if you’re continually caught up in the crap-trap of being right.

What’s so good about being real anyway?

I love fantasy, and part of me is still holding out to marry Uma and live happily ever after on Malibu beach.  We’d have Brangelina over for dinner at the weekend, run along the beach with our dog Brinkley, and spend 2 hours a day showering together (in the interests of cleanliness, of course).

But there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality. Reality can include dreams and ambition – which can sometimes be fuelled or influenced by fantasy – but the point of reality is about taking repeated, meaningful action towards what matters.

The point of reality is that you can put a dent in it.

Same goes for me.  Whatever I do here has to have real value or there’s no point in me doing it.  Everything I write and every product I create has to be able to make shit happen for you, and I’ve got to be confident enough to call it when I’m talking crap and not being real.

I gotta practice what I preach, and this is where you come in.  I need you to remind me when I’m talking nonsense and not getting to the distinct value.  And I need you to do the same with your stuff.

So tell me, where do you think I need to cut the crap?
What are you busy with that you’d be better off without?
What crap do you want to cut?