Holy moly, I hate being ill.

I’m writing this post from under the duvet, and I swear I’ve never felt this bad (perhaps with the exception of severe food poisoning in Morocco when I was 13, which really wasn’t pretty). For the last 6 or 7 days I’ve felt as sick as 10 men, and while I was hoping that all I had was a seasonal cold that would be gone in a couple of days, the doc says that it’s full on flu.

Great. Just what I need.

Being ill brings the worst out in me. In the few moments when I’m awake I start beating myself up about the fact that I’m ill.

“I should be getting more work done.”
“I haven’t written anything for days.”
“I’m behind on my paperwork.”
“I’m letting people down.”
“I’m wasting time being ill.”
“I’m a bad coach.”
“I’m a bad project manager.”
“I’m a bad friend.”

and on and on…

I know that I’m thinking that way simply because the better pieces of me can’t think straight right now, so I’m just doing what the doc told me to do and letting it all ride.

It’s a great example of how everything you have in your life - family, friends, home, finances, partner and of course your body and your physical fitness impacts how you feel about yourself. What you have in each of your environments (as I call them) either adds to or takes away from your sense of self. Any glitch in any of those areas and you’ll feel it.

So yes, it’s incredibly frustrating that I’m not getting round to all the things I should be doing and that those better parts of me aren’t around for a while, and I can only vaguely imagine everything that I’ll need to do when I’m back to normal. But for now, the most beneficial thing for me to do is trust that I’ll be back on form in a couple of days and will soon get everything back on track.

That’s like an extra layer of comfort and an extra feeling of warmth. So while I may be feeling uber-crappy, I’m so glad I can see through the crap I’m telling myself and have complete trust that I’ll be back on top form soon…