When I’m going into an organisation for the first time I’ll be a little shy until I feel like I have the lay of the land and a feel for the people. I’ll rein in my sense of humour, I’ll keep back some of what’s going on in my head and I’ll work at building rapport and earning trust.

When I meet a woman I’m attracted to I might be a little bashful, eager not to come across as an idiot.

Shyness is something we all have in common. Like opposable thumbs and belly buttons, everyone single one of us is shy in some situations and at particular times.

That’s fine.

Shyness doesn’t preclude you from feeling confident; it doesn’t mean that you can’t do your very best work; it doesn’t mean you won’t meet someone you want to date (and who wants to date you) and it’s certainly not something you need to beat yourself up about.

It simply proves you’re as human as the next person.

Shyness is simply about not wanting to screw up or look stupid in front of other people, and the fear about how other people might judge you. It becomes a horrible experience when you focus on the fact that you’re experiencing shyness rather than what you might be able to contribute or learn.

Focus on the experience of being shy and you make the experience more real.

That horrible feeling of inadequacy and the ‘Why does this always happen to me?’ factor are what follows shyness if you let them; they’re what turns a perfectly okay bit of shyness into something that takes away from who you are.

Feeling small and beating yourself up about it are not the same thing as feeling shy – they’re a consequence of letting shyness run unchecked.

It’s okay, even helpful, to be shy sometimes. What isn’t helpful is thinking that you’re less than because of it.

I have many more tips for overcoming shyness coming up. Do you feel that shyness is getting in your way? Let me know where you grapple with it…