Earlier today I was walking down the street, heading into town to get some lunch. Coming towards me from the other direction was a couple I used to hang out with a couple of years ago, who I met through mutual friends. We got closer and closer and as we approached I smiled, said ‘Hi, how are you‘, and they reciprocated. I kept walking past them, but I saw them slow down and nearly stop, obviously thinking that we were going to stop and have a chat.

I kept on walking, because this very situation is what the fantastic Larry David calls the Stop & Chat, and it’s perhaps the most significant thing I’ve learned from Curb Your Enthusiasm (besides checking and double checking the spelling every time I write the word ‘aunt’).

I could have stopped and chatted, sure, but I knew full well that it’s been so long since I saw this couple that we’d only be able to exchange some polite chit-chat that would slowly become more awkward right up to the point where one of us makes the brave move of saying ‘Anyway, I’ll let you get on now‘ and we all thankfully go on our way.

I rarely stop and chat these days, unless the it’s for one of 3 reasons – someone I miss; someone I’d love to reconnect with or someone who I know it would make a good difference to.

This might sound selfish; I call it pragmatic.

I don’t need to stop and chat to make sure that other people think I’m a good guy. I don’t need to stop and chat to validate my belief that I’m an okay bloke. And I don’t need to stop and chat in an effort to please everyone.

The reality is that I can’t please everyone and I don’t need to stay in touch with everyone I’ve ever met, particularly when the relationship was only perfunctory anyway. I’m confident enough to not stop and chat, so thanks LD for putting a name to this for me.