Inspired partly by this brilliant coaching spoof from The Daily Show, I wanted to tell you why you’ll always stand to lose out in life.

Yeah, I know, I probably shouldn’t be using the ‘L’ word because I’m a coach and all that, but there’s a good reason I mention it. That reason is this:

You Will Lose

Gimme a second to explain. When I’m working with a client I do whatever I can to help them make good decisions and get going with what’s most important to them, but often there’s One Big Thing that gets in the way of making progress. The simple fact is that right along with everything you stand to gain from what you’re working on and everything you’re putting in place, there also comes a loss.

Read that last sentence again, it’s important. It means that whatever you stand to gain - a fantastic new job, a fun relationship that gives you what you really need, an unshakeable sense of who you are or just a healthy sense of perspective - you’ll lose something else in the process.

Gain a relationship and lose your independence or time with friends or family. Gain a new job and lose your familiarity with your current job or lose out on free time. Gain a new way of looking at something and lose the comfort of seeing things the way you used to.

When I said “Yes” to taking on the Big Messy Project at my ad agency, I gained a bunch of great colleagues, a sizable challenge and a good fee; but I lost a great deal of time for writing and coaching.

This is one of the reasons we stop ourselves doing things we want and stay right where we are instead, because we don’t look at the equation between what we stand to lose and what we stand to gain.

What you stand to lose has a stronger influence over you than what you stand to gain, and that’s why this is such a big deal. The influence over you from any potential loss will outway the influence from any potential gain, unless, that is, you deliberately intervene.

It’s only by deliberately looking at the gain/loss equation that you can make a decision based on what’s most important to you rather than what that feeling of unease, uncertainty, unfamiliarity, fear or even sadness that comes with loss. Here’s what I want you to do:

1. Think of something you want to do but haven’t got off the starting blocks with yet. What have you been putting off that’s important to you? Where haven’t you been moving forwards where you want to? Write it down.
2. Write down the specifics of what you stand to gain by getting moving. What are the benefits? What would it mean to you? How would it feel to Step up and great a better game?
   Next, write down what you stand to lose by getting moving. What will you have to leave behind? What does it mean you have to let go of? How will things change?
3. Now look at what you stand to gain against what you stand to lose. What jumps out at you as most important? Imagine yourself in the future having got moving with what you’ve been putting off, having gained and lost along the way - how do you feel now?
4. How can you manage or minimise what you stand to lose? How can shift your viewpoint so that you’re okay with what you stand to lose? What’s a different way you can look at things so that it doesn’t look like a loss at all?

The worst thing you can do is make an automatic choice based entirely on what you’ll lose, without ever being aware of what you’ll gain.

Do things that way, and you’ll lose more than you’ll ever know.