I’m always surprised at how many people say to me, “Don’t some people you work with become really arrogant?”

Other people think that I’m arrogant because I assume to know how to make people become self-confident. They think that I stride around being full of myself, while I tell people how to be outwardly self-confident.

A bit of striding once in a while never hurt anyone, but I’m surprised because they couldn’t be further from the truth. In my mind the there’s no confusion at all between confidence and arrogance and I can say, hand on heart, that not one person I’ve coached has become arrogant. I coach people on bringing out their natural, inner confidence and am probably the least arrogant bloke you could meet. (That’s not me making arrogant claims by the way, it’s an observation based on my experience).

Confidence and arrogance are 2 very different things; the line between them isn’t as fine as people seem to think.

• Arrogant people strive to be right
  Someone who’s arrogant is more interested in being right than being happy. They’ll go out of their way to prove their position or opinion is right over someone else’s. They won’t think about the opinion’s they’re rejecting or the people they’re dismissing – what’s important is that they’re proven right, if only in their own heads.
• Arrogant people want to build themselves up
  Show me an arrogant person and I’ll show you someone who’s most interested in elevating their perceived position, sometimes to the detriment of others. This is about their validation, and an arrogant person will aim to feel good about themselves by reducing the status of others or making them feel less than.
• Arrogant people bluff their way
  An arrogant person will try to bluff their way to success rather than achieve success through applying their strengths and working hard. They’ll make it known that their ability is greater than it actually is, which might not be a problem in itself (I’m all for stretching yourself) but when coupled with arrogance means they’ll be less inclined to own up to or learn from their mistakes. They’ll paper over the cracks, concerned as much with their image as their results.
• Arrogant people don’t’ listen
  An arrogant person will rarely listen to you, me or anyone else. They might appear to listen, but will go right back to their own way of doing things and their old beliefs. Perhaps more importantly, an arrogant person often won’t even listen to themselves – they won’t hear the little voice inside that tells them how much easier things could be if only they’d let go of the need to be right.
• Arrogant people talk first and think later
  An arrogant person will open their mouth and say what comes to mind without thinking, after all, in their mind it’s a spot on observation, the wittiest of comments or a flawless piece of reasoning. The impact of what’s said isn’t of much concern, what’s important is that they’re heard.

The gap between true confidence and arrogance is a wide one, and when people do stray into arrogance (we all know someone, right?) it’s normally down to ignorance rather being than a conscious choice. Someone who’s trying hard to come across as confident, for example, can mistakenly behave arrogantly simply because they haven’t figured out what real confidence is or what it means to them.

Make sure you know the difference.

Dealing with arrogant people is a whole other deal. Let me know if you have a hard time dealing with difficult people and stay tuned for some tips on how to handle them…

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