Believe it or not, public speaking scares the crap out of me. My pulse quickens, my breath shortens and my palms get sweaty. But it hasn’t stopped me doing a whole bunch of it in my work over the years, and I’m working on doing a whole load more of it in 2009.

Fear is a part of life, that’s ‘Fact about Life’ number 14. I think number 15 is something about getting lots of fibre in your diet, but that’s not important right now. What is important is to recognise that fear is there when your life takes you to a place you haven’t been before, a place where something’s on the line. That’s what fear is, fear that something you already have or something you stand to have might be taken away or damaged. A few examples…

Fear of failure: you fear that the success you’ve already achieved or stand to achieve will be stripped away, leaving you with nothing.

Fear of intimacy: you fear being hurt as a result of making yourself vulnerable or that you’ll lose the control you have over your life (emotions, desires, goals, body, etc.)

Fear of success: you fear that the status-quo and control you’ve achieved will be shattered by any impending success, or fear that you won’t be able to live up to the success and lose your dream.

Fear of being judged: you fear that other people will judge you negatively and that that judgement will take something away from you.

Fear of heights: you fear falling down. Well, duh.

Things get really scary when whatever’s on the line is something important to you – a goal, a target, a wish, a dream, a way of life, a balance or a belief. It’s not too scary if all you stand to lose is ham sandwich, but when something that matters to you is at stake it’s a different kettle of fish entirely.

Fear is an important feedback mechanism because it tells you that something important is happening. It tells you that you’re stretching yourself in a new direction and pushing yourself into a fresh part of your life. It tells you that something special’s required.

It’s easy to stall for time, but how you face those fears determines what happens next and what kind of experience you have. I’ve seen that there are 3 different approaches to moving forwards confidently in the face of fear:

1. A burst of courage.
   One way forward in those times when you feel scared from your head to your tippy-toes is to summon a burst of courage that’ll see you through.

   This is like physically priming yourself for whatever happens next – you take a moment to ready yourself, sucking it in, making a choice to go for it, telling yourself “This is as scary as it gets, get ready for it, here we go” and you get that burst of courage that takes you forwards.

   This is a physiological response to the fear, and you’ll feel it in your body – a sense of energy, vigour or power that can propel you forwards. Frequently people use this for physical or environmental challenges like jumping out of a plane, giving a big speech or running the rapids.

2. Learned confidence.
   Your confidence works just like a muscle (that’s the 2nd Principle of Self-Confidence), the principle being that the more open you are to risk, possibility and opportunity you are the more confident you need to be, and so the more confident you become.

   Of course, the more open you are to risk, possibility and opportunity the more scope there is for fear to play a role in your life.

   That’s why this kind of confidence is a deliberate choice based on what you know without doubt- “I know I can do this“. When you look at the facts of how capable you are, what you’ve achieved and where you’re already confident it presents a solid case for why you’ll be just fine going forwards with the challenge you’re facing.

   It might be scary, but you’ve done big and scary things before that worked out just fine.

   Learned confidence is recognising that you’re more than a match for the challenge in front of you based on the facts, and it allows you to move forwards with a conscious sense of confidence.

3. True confidence.
   This way of responding to fear is my favourite. This is about having the feeling way down in your bones that you’re more than the sum of your parts.

   Reacting to fear with true confidence is about connecting with a vibrant and powerful sense of who you are and what’s important to you, and is even about connecting with your place in the world and your limitless possibility in it.
   

   Moving forwards with true confidence is what it is to be free.

   Think about it. If you’re not constrained by fear or doubt then you’re free to experience your life fully; you’re free to create a rich experience and you’re free to be you.

   When you move forwards with true confidence, fear loses its power completely - it’s simply another part of the experience of being you and how you live your life.

   Everyone can have that. You can too.