Thank you for the support I really appreciate your cause to help people with confidence problems
I’m going to keep an eye on your site from now on. you have written some really interesting and motivating articles

The point is to take the pressure off yourself, and finding simple, small steps that you can take. That goes for both those little things you can do to help others, and the little things you can do to reassure yourself that you’ll be okay.

i guess i can try doing that, it seems like a great way to try and help people without getting an awkward feeling of intrusion. And maybe it’s indeed better to get their mind off off it for a while.

I can find myself in your history, but i’m trying to change to be more of the real me, more open, more free of speech, like when i feel more comfortable. But when i seem to finally get more comfortable, my mind forces me back into my shell, like i’m sensing danger in talking to other people even though there is no danger, which i know but i can’t seem to be able to convince myself of that fact…

And thank you for the compliments ^^ they are really heart-warming and motivating to read. thanks.

The bigger thing that’s holding you back is this thing about being a “nobody”. I mean this in the nicest possible way, but that’s just rubbish. You are someone. Someone who cares about people. Someone who has a sensitive soul. Someone who has a decent intuition and a good deal of empathy. All sounds good to me.

You know something – I was always the quiet guy who kept himself to himself at school. I kept my head down, did my work and that was pretty much it. I had a small group of friends but never went to the school disco’s or connected that much with anyone else.

Things change. You just gotta allow them to change.

I think you’re right about that it aren’t my problems, and that i’m anticipating the moment to talk to her and now that i think about it… i tend to have that a lot.

I hear people telling a problem and i want to help them as fast and as best as i can, but i get a bad feeling when i just even start thinking about talking to the person about the problem or even asking if something is wrong. So i just stay silent, and try to think on how to help the person but eventually i just tend to dissuade myself because i feel like i would intrude their privacy by trying to help them with a problem. Even when i notice a person is down, i want to talk to them, but i just shut up because i don’t feel “important” enough to talk to them.

and i think it all relates to the third point you mentioned… i think i’m a nobody, useless and i know i should let my voice be heard, and that it counts, but somehow i just don’t dare to take the jump into the unknown.

I feel like i can’t grasp the social aspects of life, although i tend to be a rather assertive and talkative person when i feel comfortable. And one of the things i feel like i’m missing right now is, i see all the other people of my class having fun, not caring about almost anything, and then there’s me the exception, the silent guy who almost never talks, but would like to talk and have fun just like the rest of them i always feel like i’m the extra of the group, they don’t need me, i’m just there (probably standing in the way) but deep inside i know that’s not really true, but my feelings contest that…

i feel so confused about myself :s

Your friend sounds like she’s having a rough time. As are you, as you beat yourself up for not speaking up or being able to solve her problems. 2 things.

1. Her problems aren’t your problems, and you can’t go around trying to rescue people. You can care and you can offer to help, but it’s not your job to solve the problems of others.

2. It feels like the anticipation of the moment when you talk with her is getting in the way. Try to step back from the drama of that moment when you speak up. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It doesn’t have to be a big moment. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. You could simply add a comment or drop her a message saying “Looks like you’re having a bad time, let me know how I can help” or just “Hang on in there and holler if I can help”, for example.

Oh, and a third thing. Your voice counts.

For Example: on facebook (so goes to the same school as me) there is this girl: she’s constantly posting these sad status updates and I’ve heard quite a lot of rumours she has it though at home, etc… So I’d like to help her: talk with her about her problems and help her cope with them and maybe even try and solve them.
But there’s the problem: i don’t dare talk to her and ask her about it, i’m to afraid to take first steps, in anything I do, other people always need to do the first step, and it’s killing my life. i don’t dare take any chances. I don’t feel confident enough, i always think of all the bad things that could happen and that I’m not important enough in other people’s eyes, I see everyone as my superior… even the people who should be equal to me, like my classmates. (don’t get this wrong i don’t hate them, but i always get the feeling my voice doesn’t count, but it’s probably me just thinking this… or not. i’m so confused about myself right now.)
But to get back to the point: I can’t feel better about myself because I’m to afraid and not confident enough to go to the person and offer my aid, which makes me feel more bad about myself because I’m leaving a chance to help a person because I’m not confident enough.
Rant over