The more you know about your fears, the less you’ll come to fear them…

Next up in my Confidence Interview series is James Chartrand.  Some of you will be familiar with the name and others won’t be, but let me tell you that this guy really delivers some great insights through his blog, and is someone I’ve gotten to know a little bit over the last few months.  He’s one of the good guys - here’s his interview:

1. There are so many different definitions of what confidence is and isn’t – what does real “confidence” mean to you?
Good question. Confidence has so many elements and aspects to it that it’s going to be difficult to pin down.

Confidence, for me, includes my ability to face situations and know that I’ll come out okay, even if I don’t achieve the desired result. It means feeling comfortable tackling anything that comes my way and trusting myself to handle the events that transpire.

I think it also means living without fear, or perhaps not letting fear influence us. It means knowing that everything will be okay no matter what, and that I can *do* this.

2. Everyone has times in their life when their confidence takes a battering – what role has a lack of confidence played in your life?
There are always times when I’ll feel a lack of confidence. I tend to withdraw more into myself, examine the situation cautiously, and weigh the pros and cons of facing the fears or letting myself be influenced by them.

I think it’s in my nature to most often choose to challenge myself to push forward despite my lack of confidence. It’s a rare day when I find myself opting out of a situation because I don’t feel confident enough.

Of course, there have been specific evens that have shaken my confidence, and some of them quite badly. In those cases, I pull back and take the time to examine my thoughts and feelings to take the right decision for me. Sometimes, I decide not to move forward because the risks are too high. Sometimes, I decide that the gains and benefits outweigh the risk.

3. What did you learn from that?
I think that the times I lack confidence are the best times to learn more about myself. Why do I fear this? What elements do I fear? Why do I have these fears to begin with? What are all the possible outcomes I can think of? Can I trust myself to handle those?

The times I lack confidence have made me a stronger, better person because I’ve learned to explore myself and know what I can take and what I can’t. And every time, I come out more confident for having introspected. I know myself better, and that leaves me feeling a heightened sense of self-assurance and self-trust.

As they say, what does not kill us makes us stronger…

4. How has self-confidence helped you in your career and personal life?
Oh hell, where has it *not* helped? Self-confidence gives me the ability to step into any situation, take charge, lead, interact and learn.

Career-wise, my self-confidence is definitely what gave me the success I live and will continue living, no matter which path I choose.

Personally, my self-confidence gives me the ability to face almost any situation and not be controlled by it. I can be strong and get through anything, knowing that I’ll end up coming through just fine.

Confidence has also helped me have clear ideas, views and perspectives. It’s also given me the ability to accept having my views and perspectives challenged, and also lets me reformulate my views based on those new perceptions.

I can’t even begin to imagine living in fear. My fears are my tools to grow and be stronger.

5. Where would you love to be more self-confident, or where do you think you’d benefit from having more confidence?
Ahh, another good question. It’s a hard one to answer, too.

I think I’d like to feel more confident about areas where external factors might influence my life. We can’t have a crystal ball to know the future or what other people are thinking, but boy, I sure would like to have one sometimes.

I think the worst area for me is in relationships – it’s hard to have confidence in other people when they can hurt you deeply. But then of course, that goes back to having the confidence to trust yourself to handle whatever comes your way, doesn’t it?

6. What’s your best piece of advice for someone who has a lack of self-confidence?
Look inwards and introspect deeply about your fears and the areas where you lack confidence. What feelings do you have for certain situations? Why do you fear them? Where does it come from? What’s the best and worst that could happen?

Learn about your fears until you know them inside and out – where they come from, what causes them, when you feel them and why. The more you know about your fears, the less you’ll come to fear them – because we fear the unknown, not what we know well.

Then start facing your fears with small steps. Take chances – small ones, ones with low risk. Analyze the outcome. Learn from it. For every negative, there is a positive – what positive did you find?

And trust yourself to know that you’ll make it through.

More about James:
James Chartrand is the smokin’ copywriter over at www.menwithpens.ca.  Using his sharpshooter vision and a wealth of business experience, he helps freelancers, entrepreneurs and small business owners get the confident content and design they need to face their dreams and make them reality.