Rebecca Thorman has been someone I’ve been watching for a while now. Not in a creepy “I know where you live” kinda way, but in a “Geez, you really know your stuff and I could learn something” kinda way.
She continually impresses me with what she does and how she does it, and her blog – modite.com – is always worth a read. She’s currently working wonders (and her socks off) at a funky startup, but made some time to complete my confidence interview – here’s what she has to say.
1. There are so many different definitions of what confidence is and isn’t – what does real “confidence” mean to you?
Confidence is smiling.
2. Everyone has times in their life when their confidence takes a battering – what role has a lack of confidence played in your life?
I have that bothersome habit of putting a lot of pressure on myself. When it becomes too much, it’s like my confidence balloon pops and I’m flailing without a safety net. “Help, Help!” I cry.
3. What did you learn from that?
That melodrama gets you nowhere. My mother has some great sayings like, “Everything will get done, it always does,” and “It will work out in the end, it always does.” I tend to repeat these to myself when things are not going swimmingly to give myself some air.
4. How has self-confidence helped you in your career and personal life?
Self-confidence has allowed me to take risks. I put myself out there – and trust me, I feel vulnerable all the time – but ultimately, I feel like I know who I am.
When I’m confident, I share my zany ideas at work and my boyfriend and I fight a lot less. That means more success and more sexy time.
5. Where would you love to be more self-confident, or where do you think you’d benefit from having more confidence?
I would like to be able to lean forward without fear like when you go skiing, you know? I want to be able to go down those black diamonds in life and feel nothing but exhilaration.
6. What’s your best piece of advice for someone who has a lack of self-confidence?
No one has it figured out. Empathy towards others increases your own confidence. It’s that whole shared human experience thing.
About Rebecca Thorman
Rebecca Thorman gives career and life advice at modite.com/blog and works at a start-up company in Madison, WI. That company is Alice.com, where she works in social media, marketing, and sells toilet paper.
- Other articles you might like:
- Useful confidence & self-esteem articles
- Confidence Interview – James Chartrand of Men with Pens
- Confidence is Sexy – Fact
March 20th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Fixing a lack of self-confidence can ONLY come from within. I firmly believe that (having lived it).
March 20th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
@ Barbara: Couldn’t agree more – that’s why I dont’ like the approach of the coaches who say the answer is just down to “standing tall”, “smiling” or “acting confident”
April 15th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
I was so shy as a child I retreated into my shell and stayed there for years. I found that smiling and saying hello to others gave me the confidence I needed to mature and join my peers. It was a long, hard struggle, but looking back, it began with a smile. We are all different and our different responses show that, but I wonder that you can say you disagree, but don’t offer personal observations about how to gain confidence. Criticism doesn’t show any confidence on your parts.
April 16th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
@Linda: It’s great that you found some confidence, and I agree that we’re all different. This blog’s littered with observations and experiences about how to gain confidence, and in my experience it’s a case of finding the confidence to smile, rather than the act of smiling giving you confidence (or at least real confidence).
The kind of confidence I deal with mostly is inner confidence – real, genuine, comforting, natural confidence. Outer confidence – the ability to shake someone’s hand, look them in the eye, smile in a room of strangers, etc – certainly has a role to play, but the gold is the inner confidence.
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:52 am
I like that she pointed out that no one has it figured out.
Some people are quick to say someone lacks confidence but how can you accurately gage how someone feels about themself?