The Confidence Guy

Wired into Truly Confident Living

Aug 13

Confidence is a tool you can use in your everyday life to do all kinds of cool stuff, not least to stop fighting with yourself and freely plug into the things that matter to you.

Here are 63 things YOU can do to be more confident.  Pick a couple that jump out, give them a shot and let me know what happens.

  1. Sign up for that evening class and enjoy it.
  2. Ask your partner or best friend what you can do for them today.
  3. Hit the gym.  The physiological effects will leave you feeling great.
  4. Go to a networking event and focus on how you can be helpful rather than being nervous.
  5. Get crystal clear on the things that truly matter to you.  If they’re not in your life, you need to bring them in.
  6. Write a list of the things you’re tolerating in your life, then write down how you can remove, minimise or diminish each one.
  7. Look at a great win or success you’ve experienced and give yourself credit for your part in it.
  8. Next time you’re at a social event, don’t just stick with the people you know – have a conversation with someone you don’t know and you never know what – or who – you’ll discover.
  9. Next time you talk yourself out of doing something, say ‘What the Hell’ and go do it anyway.
  10. Do one thing each day that makes you smile (inside or out).
  11. Learn the 7 biggest confidence mistakes, and then fix ‘em.
  12. Ask out that girl or guy you fancy the pants off (only if you’re single, don’t want to get you into trouble).
  13. You have to keep your mind well fed, so write a list of 20 things that keeps your mind feeling nourished and make sure you’re giving them room.
  14. Stop squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think people expect you to act like.
  15. Catch yourself every single time you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t get or aren’t good enough to get what you want.
  16. Take yourself off auto-pilot – make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.
  17. Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to yourself and see how that dialog can be improved.
  18. Scared of looking silly? You and everyone else.  It’s no biggie so don’t let it stop you.  Say it with me – “It just doesn’t matter.
  19. Don’t think for a second that you can’t be confident.  There are already loads of things you do with true self-confidence, you just have to notice them and get familiar with how it feels.
  20. Listen to your doubts – they’re there to let you know what you need to prepare for.  Use them to your benefit as you move forwards.
  21. Think of a time when it felt like a whole bank of switches in your head flicked to the on position.  What were you doing and what’s the reason it felt so great?
  22. You’ve got a whole bunch of out-dated rules that determine what you do or don’t do.  Tear up your rule book and notice how free you are to make great decisions.
  23. Sweep aside the roles and labels you slip into without thinking, and just be you instead.
  24. Look at how you’re using the 5 Principles of Self-Confidence in your life.
  25. If there’s someone in your life who puts you down or makes you feel small, you owe it to yourself to let them know that you expect something different from now on.
  26. Flirt.  It’s a harmless way to play around with connecting with people and having fun.
  27. Reveal a little bit of the real you in a relationship that might feel like it’s in a rut.
  28. Notice and welcome all of your experiences – the good stuff as well as the bad stuff.
  29. Always recognise that you’re more than a match for any situation you might find yourself in, no matter how tough the going gets.
  30. Don’t get swept up in the drama of what’s happening right now, look for more useful ways of engaging with what happens in your life.
  31. Don’t automatically give in to the instant pay-off – it often means you’re selling yourself short.
  32. When you feel like stamping your foot and yelling “I deserve better than this!”, take a step back and say “I can BE better than this.
  33. Confidence sometimes means admitting you’re wrong – always be ready to hold your hand up and change your mind.
  34. Trust your instincts.  They know what they’re talking about.
  35. Fear is a way of letting you know that you’re about to stretch yourself and grow your confidence.  Use it to take yourself forwards rather than run away.
  36. Imagine you’re visited by a successful, confident, attractive and vibrant version of you from the future, and listen to what they want to tell you.
  37. Don’t feel like you have to do everything yourself – sometimes the most confident thing to do is ask for help.
  38. Take a chance on something tomorrow.  Anything, big or small, just take a chance.
  39. You need to be around people who make you feel like YOU, so spend more time with the people who support and encourage you and less with those who undermine you.
  40. Stop struggling against the things you don’t like in your life – create an environment around you that flows and allows you to be you.
  41. No man’s an island, and you need to participate in the world you around to feel confident.
  42. Do something bold in the face of your challenges and fears.
  43. Work on developing the skills you need to win at the things that matter to you.
  44. The body is a mirror for the mind, so shifting your body into a confident state can have surprising results.
  45. Don’t get disheartened or demotivated when you get to 90% with something you’re working on – push through and you’ll see that the last 10% is where the magic happens.
  46. Keep comparing yourself to others?  Stop it, don’t try to validate yourself through comparison – you’re just peachy as you are.
  47. Put your head above the parapet at work and speak up if there’s something you think could be improved or if you have an idea you think has legs.
  48. If there’s something you’ve been struggling to understand for a while, stop trying to understand it.  Accept it just as it is, fully and wholly.
  49. Shy with new people?  Not a problem, that’s allowed.  Just don’t overthink it, start beating yourself up or thinking you’re less than because you’re shy – the more you think like that the worse it gets.
  50. Your environment directly impacts your self-perception, so if you’re surrounded by clutter, paperwork and rubbish put a morning aside to clean up your stuff and get organised.
  51. Write yourself a daisy list and start making things happen.
  52. Don’t make your happiness or self-worth dependent on being in a relationship or being validated by someone else.  Find your inherent value first, and your relationships and confidence will be immeasurably better.
  53. Your strengths can be used to overcome any of your weaknesses.  Don’t let them undermine your confidence.
  54. The longer you leave that big thing on your to-do list the more it’ll drain you and the bigger it’ll seem – get it done and free yourself up.
  55. What golden threads, themes, patterns and passions have always been in your life?  If those things aren’t present in your life right now, you need to shift your priorities.
  56. Your body image does matter, because if you have a bad relationship with your body you won’t be feeling confident in yourself.  Get trim if you need to, just make sure you get along with your body.
  57. Get the Truly Confident Living Home Study Course and dive right in.
  58. Try a new path.  The well-trodden paths of your life can easily turn from familiarity to apathy and disconnection.  A new path wakes you up.
  59. Don’t say “Yes” to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat – you can politely decline requests you can’t meet and don’t need to create an excuse for it.
  60. Look at the people you respect who seem confident – don’t copy them, but identify what do they do differently that conveys confidence and what you can learn from it.
  61. Make a plan to do something, then follow through.  Achievement gives you important self-reinforcement.
  62. When you feel yourself focusing inwards and becoming paralysed with doubt or fear, switch to focusing outwards at what you can engage and interact with.
  63. Still beating yourself up for failing or screwing up? It no barrel of laughs, so it’s much better to recognise that everything, whether it turns out or not, is practice in living a rich life.
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  • mish

    hi…… a bit feraful person, im scared of being laughed at by others or make a fool of myself so i dont trust my abilities….i got some good advices here.i will try to gain more confidence :)

    • Steve

      @mish: We’re all fearful of being laughed at or making a fool of ourselves. What’s important is that you don’t let those fears make your decisions for you. Those fears want you to be safe, so look at how you can reassure them and calm them so that you can make a enabling, deliberate decision about what to do next.

    • Williamdrogba

      @mish on thing u should know is dont give a thing about what other said about you, just be yourself and dont act like a fool infornt that person/group that make u feel down,laugh with the person that laugh at u and dont think like it was big deal this will make them forget that other habit because u didnt take it serious.

  • siqsid

    hey im afraid of women because of my looks i used to be a heavier guy and recently lost a lot of weight and i still feel like looks are all that matter to them im the nice funny guy and they only want me as friends but they want the better looking asshole how do i defeat that?

    • Steve Errey – Confidence Guy

      @Siqsid: I’m not the best person to ask for romantic advice! I’ve always been the nice funny guy too, and have seen a lot of women go with the assholes. That’s just how it goes, and in no way is it a reflection of you.

      It’s great that you’ve lost that weight, good for you – now you need to find things to do that put a smile on your face. if you’re enjoying your life you’ll be much more likely to find someone and attract someone.

    • Alex

      I really had a strange day.. felt very unconfident. “I dont know why im living if i cannot do all the things i want to do”.. those were the words playing in my head over and over again. Im always afraid of making a fool of myself,always scared of what others will think of me. I have really low confidence,when i have to speak up and everyones looking at me im like “God,im gonna blow this”,everything gets hot around me and i feel my face burning. I mean.. i can’t be relaxed.. When im with my best pals,i feel good,i feel confident.. but when im alone i feel scared,unconfident and shy. Right now after i read all those things,i feel really good.. but im pretty sure that tommorow i will go back to my initial mood.

      Those tips are helpful,but when im out there.. i forget all about them,i lose myself,its like im in a jungle surrounded by animals,and im their meal. I really dont know what to do to become more confident.

      • Steve Errey – Confidence Guy

        Confidence goes up and down – that’s true of everyone, me included. There are times when I feel nervous when I have to speak up, times I’m shaking in my shoes when I have to do something out of my comfort zone.

        That’s perfectly okay, and it’s not a problem. Thinking it’s a problem, is a problem.

        While there are times that it feels like confidence vanishes, I always know that it’s simply to do with how I’m thinking at that moment. I know that it’s temporary. I know that underneath all of that second-guessing and all of those nerves, I am a confident person.

        That feeling you have when you’re with friends is exactly what natural confidence is. It’s being able to be right there in the moment and being able to trust your behaviour with implicit trust in that behaviour.

        The trick is to remember that feeling at those times when it feels like your confidence has left the building, and to notice those other thoughts in your head for what they are – just thoughts. Those thoughts don’t have to determine your consequent behaviour.

        That picture in your head of being a meal for jungle animals – that’s an image you’ve conjured to reinforce your perception and your position. It’s not helping, right?! So what other picture can you create that makes it easier, that takes the pressure off, that allows you to feel like you do when you’re with friends? What enabling picture can counteract that disabling picture?

        It’s hard, I know this. But with practice it becomes easier and easier, and it’s possible to get to a point where it’s second nature.

    • Victoriaplum

      Not all girls want the assholes! I like nice funny blokes over idiots everytime. Someones attractiveness changes with their behaviour, stay with being yourself and you will find a girl who deserves you!

  • Trudyannewan

    Thanks so much for this. I’m normally a confident person, but recently a major event in my life knocked me off balance. I’m struggling a bit now with getting my self-confidence back. Sometimes it makes me so angry because I used to be a very confident woman. Maybe I’m beating up myself too much because I’ve never had a major illness before. Maybe I’m pushing myself too hard.

    • Steve Errey – Confidence Guy

      There’s always something up life’s sleeves that can throw us off balance Trudy. Don’t beat yourself up for it.

      I know all too well how hard it is to let yourself off the hook when you’re ill, but sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed, and in fact it’s sometimes the most courageous thing to do.

      Give yourself some room, and I really hope things improve. Holler if I can help out.

  • Joe Sure

    Hi, my confidence has always been low until I began competing in bodybuilding. I do not take drugs, exercise regularly, do not smoke, rarely drink so the outward physical appearance looks healthy and very strong. I am a champion pro bodybuilder. I have a beautiful wife, kids, home, good job, and voluinteer lots. But lots of personal and work related stress. It has affected my bedroom performance on a few occassions. The poor perfomances lead to performance anxiety and now it’s hard to perform at all. My wife is disappointed, I’m frustrated. I have a doctors appointment this week and have sheduled an appointment with a psychologist. How can I get my bedroom confidence back?

    • Steve Errey – Confidence Guy

      Dude, my sex life is like string theory – hard to prove its actual existence. I can’t tell you what to do and bedroom confidence isn’t really my thing, but I do have a couple of thoughts.

      1. You’ve spent a lot of time and effort on your body, and you’re rightly proud of your achievements there. But I wonder if you’ve externalised your self-worth and made it about your appearance and achievements in bodybuilding… If you were as skinny as a rake would you value who you are?

      2. Stress is one of the major factors in both low sexual appetite and a drop in sexual performance, so look at where that stress is coming from. What are you tolerating or putting up with that’s draining you? What is chipping away, niggling at you that you’re not resolving, minimising or addressing? Stress is about feeling like you’re out of control or feeling like there’s something in your life that you need to be in control of but can’t.

      I know the psychologist will be better placed to help you than me, but know that you don’t have to do this alone. It’s great that you’re seeking help and you should also ask your wife for what you need.

      You’re taking steps to address this, which is both brave and honest. Keep doing that and I reckon you’ll be fine.

  • Andres Gonzalez

    For all the guys here, the main thing that has helped me in being a more Confident person is to have the right mindset. Its all about wanting something really badly or NOT wanting something at all. For example, what do you want more; to talk to that girl (possibly someone who can be a really important person to you one day) or possibly be alone for the rest of your life. I personally think the most dramatic thing possible because it helps me realize that the things I DON’T do can have an extremely negative impact on my goals.

    Determine what it is you REALLY want and go for it. Whats worse? Doing it or not doing it?

    • Steve Errey – Confidence Guy

      Sure, the things you don’t do can have just as much impact on you as the things you do do. Of course, deciding not to do something is still doing something – so you just gotta make sure whatever you do matches up with what matters to you and how you want your life to be.

      PS: Hehehe, I said “do-do” just then….(I’m such a child).

  • Andres Gonzalez

    For all the guys here, the main thing that has helped me in being a more Confident person is to have the right mindset. Its all about wanting something really badly or NOT wanting something at all. For example, what do you want more; to talk to that girl (possibly someone who can be a really important person to you one day) or possibly be alone for the rest of your life. I personally think the most dramatic thing possible because it helps me realize that the things I DON’T do can have an extremely negative impact on my goals.

    Determine what it is you REALLY want and go for it. Whats worse? Doing it or not doing it?

  • Totti_vides

    Thanks man just what I need it

  • chas

    best artical for confidence i have ever read

  • chas

    your a boss steve

  • Kvhud1994

    I have always lacked confidence when in situations where I have to talk to new people or interact with strangers. I recently started a new job at a pub but I found meeting all my new co-workers and serving customers extremely frightening, I came home feeling completely drained. When at home with my family or with friends I feel confident but all the rest of the time I manage to talk my self into thinking I’m making a fool out of myself. This has really helped but I don’t know if i can ever completely turn off these thoughts in my head.

  • Achievebrilliance

    Great list! You have definitely pinpointed many of the ways to boost confident here. There are many others and some of the confidence boosters that people need are deep rooted. Many layers may need to be unfolded before you can be able to do the basic confidence building tasks. Discovering what is holding people back from being able to boost confidence is something I love doing with my clients as a life coach. Did you know that sometimes confidence is the one factor that holds some people from achieving maximum success, it’s so amazing. Anyway, just thought I would share that tidbit. Thanks for the great post.

  • Shirleytee

    what is cofident mean

  • Martin

    Nice list Steve! I think that all can be summed up as simply “improve yourself and enjoy your life”. The happier you are and the richer your life is, the more confident you are. There’s no magic pill – confidence is a by-product of striving to be the best version of yourself.

    5 is a great exercise. If you have a clear vision of what you want to achieve, it’s way easier to achieve it.

  • Tbuayi

    Hey see with me when im around frienda im fine just myself but when im introduced infront off poeple i dont know..i just totaly shut myself out like i don’t speak or anything likes theres a wall and i cant help it my mum friend daughter came and i was really shy i didnt even say anything but hi and bye and i wanna be able to speak to people who i don’t know but..i build a wall and i cant help it i got bullied for begin myself.. so i don’t really be myself anymore..because im scared if no one likes me or something

  • Fred


    I understand that these things can help build my confidence but how do i choose which of these to do? I always feel like no matter what I do, Im not going to be good enough. How do I stop my self from feeling so down about myself and how do I find the confidence to do these things? I feel like i have tried but I dont feel like Im getting anywhere.

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  • Kristian Emmanuel

    Although it went on a bit, the majority was interesting, helpful and uplifting so good read generally. cheers!

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  • Seema

    I am gud person…both in personal nd professional life. My efforts,my hardwork, my innovatve nd creatvness are bin utilisd but not appreciated. I feel I deserve much more but feel obliged to be livng a gud life. I m confident whn wth collegues nd friends but feel small whn in company of seniors/hubby. I dont get to do as I wuld want to. I sim to be a happy, smily person but i m not inside. I m tired & bored mny a times. Hve no confidence that i will evr be a person i wished i was. Feel i m a failure. :(

  • Tayyab Malik

    Very nice way to learn about confidence that how we can get cofindence back thanks a lot for such nice ways to get confidence.