That’s what insecure people fear the most, because if you find success it means they’re left behind. If you find success it means they haven’t been able to do what you’ve done. It means they’re less successful (to them, at least).
And that hurts. Often their insecurities will tell them it was a fluke, that you got lucky, that you don’t deserve it, trying to find ways to rationalise your success so they don’t come out feeling worse, or to make where they are right even if it can’t be happy.
That’s part of what insecure peple do, because they’re insecure. Their insecurities don’t give them the solid footing others have, they don’t have a stable base to see that your success is a positive for you, not a negative for them.
That “solid base” comes from being able to trust themselves to live their lives fully. It’s a self-trust that allows them to make decisions and follow through; a trust that makes it okay for them to go beyond what they know in order to gain something they don’t have. They don’t have that trust, and they don’t have that base. This makes me sad. And a glum Steve is no fun.
But that’s enough about them. What about you?
See, while it’s interesting to know why insecure people fear your success, my real point here is to demonstrate how your own insecurities fear your success.
That’s right, I’ve done the old switcharoo on ya.
Your own insecurities fear your success because suddenly they’re left behind in their old way of doing things, and that’s a safe and warm and comfortable place for them to flourish. Your insecurites will be panicking because now – holy crap – you have to deliver on that success. You have to keep on being successful or you could lose the success you’ve just gained. Run! Hide!
Your insecurities will try to tell you that you’re not ready. They’ll play tricks on you to make you feel like you shouldn’t try. You might even hear them call out to you as you go through your day.
Have something go a little pear-shaped at work and your insecurities will use that as an example of why it’s too risky to go after personal success. “See what I mean, it’s not time to risk everything yet. You’re not ready.”
Burn dinner and your insecurities are ready to use that against you. Have a little spat with your partner and your insecurities will use that as fuel. Arrive late for an important meeting and your insecurities will see it as yet another fuck-up. See someone come up with a great idea and you’ll use it as proof for why you’re a bit rubbish.
We’re all insecure in some ways, at some times. The difference is whether you do what those insecurities suggest you do, i.e. nothing.
Confident people recognise that voice for what it is – something that wants you to be safe but isn’t useful. Confident people learn to hear that voice in context and make a deliberate decision as to what to do with it.
Success comes and goes; you could have some of it tomorrow and then not so much the next day. You could have a year when everything comes together, and the next year not so much. Success is an event, not a person, and so the key is to keep on making decisions towards what matters, and just ride the waves of success and failure along the way.
So what *should* you fear the most? Let me know what you think in the comments, and I’ll tell you my answer later.